Reflections on 2010

I woke up praying this morning. Not an unusual thing, pretty normal, but today it was reflective prayer, the closing of one year and the opening of another.

Everyone I know wants next year to be different. Some had an amazing year, others had an awful year and many had a year with ups and downs and everything in between.

I want next year to be different too. I liked this year. It was good. It wasn’t easy, I can’t remember any time when I thought I just sailed through a year without regrets or at least reflection on what was and what I wished would be different.

This past year was a turning point, a major transitional year for me. I transitioned from feeling like a frumpy, mediocre housewife and mom into more of who God created me to be. I chose to make some big changes.

Earlier this year He showed me these verses from Habakkuk 3:17-19

¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud
   and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
   and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
   and no cattle in the stalls,
¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
   I will be joyful in God my Savior.
 ¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
   he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
   he enables me to tread on the heights. 

What this passage continues to speak to me is that tangible things do not have to be in evidence to rejoice or to be strong and courageous. Knowing He is my Savior, He is my strength and that is what makes the difference in my life choices.

In 2010, I grew spiritually, I pressed in to God for more than I could ask for or imagine (Eph 3:20) and He gave it to me. I chose to respect and admire my husband more and not spend as much time indulging in self-pity over the things I wish he did differently. I chose to see my children in a fresh light, as brothers-in-Christ, works in progress, just like me. I heard the challenge of my God and His strategically placed friends to rise up and become the athlete He designed me to be. And finally, I chose to put the melancholy and negative self –talk out of my heart and mind (this, I have not mastered, but it is very different than what once was) and hear the Words of my Savior for my identity.

My hopes, dreams and desires for 2011 are to keep up what God asked me to change in 2010. I also want to believe Him for more. By His grace, I will let you know how it goes!

Adjustments Progress...

Well, I set the bar low for my expectations on my eating and exercise plan and I will say, I am meeting them! :) I am doing better than I thought in many ways; not as much "stress/busy" eating as I thought I would do, eating my yummy veggie soup for meals when I can, water intake pretty consistent, sleep, well, that remains a work in progress...

I feel good. I feel covered by the Lord and settled in His Season being about Him and not me. I have a peace about the family events happening and I am thankful He has already made provision for every need in my "nest" so I only need to hear from Him on my responsibilities and let Him take care of the rest.

I am so thankful for all of you who consistently cover me in prayer. I am soaking it up and savoring His presence with deep gratitude for who He is and all who He has put in my path, cyber or otherwise!

Merry Merry Merry Christmas! May you find yourself rejoicing every minute knowing your Savior came to give you all you could ever need or imagine! Much Love from cold, snowy, wet Idaho!

Making Adjustments

Ok, I must admit, I am moderately horrified that I have had nothing much to say in the past couple of weeks.

Well, I have had stuff to say, but no time to really sit down, type it out and share it. It is hard to know where to begin now, but I will try.

I have had to make some real significant adjustments to my stronger, faster, healthier me plan.

First some good news and some bad news... I have seen the endocrinologist and found there is not a single health issue going on besides my weight which is an awesome gift from the Lord I do not take lightly. However, the insurance company is rejecting my claim and so I will have to spend several hours typing, arguing, appealing, etc to try to get them to pay.

My adjustments:
1) I am taking some time off journaling my food. The additional tedium of entering every bite is adding more stress to a very busy time of year.
2) I am not setting any major goals for the next month or so. Again, trying to reach goals in the midst of stress, busy and or sick kids, family visiting, etc, is just not reasonable.
3) I am going to continue to focus on what I need to do to take care of myself including making wise food choices, working out, drinking enough water and getting good sleep.
4) I have seen my family practice doc and on his advice began taking anti-depressants. My hormonal fluctuations and the darker days are taking their toll on my mind and emotions. He assures me that this tool is not permanent and he sees many people this time of year that just need a boost to make it through our cold dark North Idaho winters and by spring I should be ready to resume life without them. I am relieved.
5) I am focusing on my family and our celebration of this special holiday with an attitude of freedom and not restriction. I am on this journey for life. No fancy food or diet is going to last forever. Only daily choices to walk in the new path I have chosen.

So, there you have it. I hope to write again this weekend as I have been sitting on a lot of different stuff to share, but haven't had time to process it thoroughly. God bless you and thanks so much for taking the time to read my blog.

Growing Beyond Myself

I think one of the reasons I am in a dry patch of writing is I am getting tired of so much introspection. Wandering through the maze of my heart and mind grows old when some of the same issues and dilemmas keep popping up.

Do I eat this?

Should I do that?

Is this going to bless my progress or slow it down?

I don't like having a bedtime, why is sleep so darn important? (Don't get me wrong, I happen to LOVE my bed, and I do wish I could spend more time in it, I just like the quiet of my house when no one needs me too!)

I look forward to the day when these aren't a part of my daily thoughts... but I can't imagine when that would be.

I did see the endocrinologist yesterday and he says that he sees no secondary cause for my being overweight, but genetics make it harder to take off. I need to keep up the hard work. I lost 5lbs since I saw him last. That was good news too.

In the midst of all the introspection God keeps calling me to come out of it to walk freely in the ministry He has placed me in - a free-style, listen carefully and obey immediately type ministry. Call someone when He says call, pray for someone else when He says pray, speak what He puts in my mouth and trust He has prepared the heart listening to hear it, and other things along those lines. I keep my eyes out and heart open for those divine appointments. I ask for them. I expect them. I don't need these moments to somehow fuel my value, like I used to. Now, I feel driven to speak Life to those God has put in my path. To declare purpose and peace. To draw others toward Him (certainly not to me- yikes!) knowing they will find all they seek in Him. 

This is how He keeps my focus beyond myself and directly onto Him. He is WAY cooler anyway! :)

A prayer about my writer's block

It has been ages since I have written, or so it seems. For a daily blog I am certainly way behind!

But, here's what's up:

I am not entirely sure. I have opened up a "new post" several times only to draw a blank or write something that upon reading it over, doesn't seem worth posting. I was sharing this with a friend and she suggested I write a prayer about my inability to write.

Here it is:

Lord,
I try to write but words evade me.
Lost in the tunnel of the day.
I see Your Light, I am not despairing,
I just can't seem to say

That my heart is processing,
contemplating,
dreaming,
 imagining a me I do not yet know.

I feel a bit lost
Wondering what to say
When it comes time to
articulate the day.

I do not cry
or feel in a muddle,
But deep deep down,
I feel a bubble.

Like expectation and labor pains
it seems, rising from the
low places.

Nitty gritty day to day
Food choices and sleep held at bay
I feel like a success and failure
Both leaping with excitement
and sluggish doldrums contrast.

I keep plugging along with
Hope in my heart,
Good sense in my head,
Knowing that right now
I need to go to bed!!!

I love You Lord and I know at least You get a chuckle from my musings as well as feel compassion for my challenges. Thank You for loving me and coating me with grace to keep me warm in this season of exposure. Amen.

The Other Choice

 When I posted the short stories I wrote yesterday on my blog: The Journey Begins Today - SHORT Stories I kept pondering this one:

Title: The Other Choice (Based on Luke 9:61-62) © JJ Bogdanowicz

 He left without saying goodbye.  Stunned, she took a deep breath. Eternal purpose had been chosen, trusting the Master’s provision. Destiny called them both.

Here is the scripture that gave me that concept:

^{Luke 9:61} Still another said, “I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say goodbye to my family.”
 ⁶² Jesus replied, “No one who puts a hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.”

I have been pondering those words much like those from Luke 14:25-27  I wrote about in my Blog called Hating Others?
I wrote that blog over two weeks ago and the scriptures are resonating in my spirit like I am supposed to do something with them, only I am not exactly sure what. 

That brings me back to the short story. Looking at the verse through the eyes of a wife with children to take care of, I put myself in the shoes of the wife (assuming he had one) of the man who asked Jesus that question. What if he decided to follow Jesus? It doesn't say that he did, but since we are all forced to make similar decisions based on our willingness to obey Christ, the question is worth asking I think. 

I can't imagine my husband going into town to see this man everyone is talking about and then never coming home. Why would God do that? 

We value family to a certain degree in this culture. Some populations more than others, for sure, but I have seen many Christian families "circle their wagons" and put their "family" as their primary focus and calling. I am NOT saying that our families are not important priorities. They are! But as I have struggled with prioritizing my family life with the things God is asking me to do with my time, and sometimes I have been challenged to consider what is more important. 

The answer is not always clear, but for the most part, I have leaned on the Bible (wherever I seem to be studying at the moment is usually relevant to the issue), my discernment, and the wisdom of my husband. He always seems to have a consistent understanding of what God is doing in my world and how to help me prioritize, even when it makes him or me uncomfortable. I also consult other people that are involved in my life who will tell me the hard truth if I get off balance. 

So, again, back to the story. If he chose to walk away from his family to follow Christ, what about his wife? Their children? Their income? 

What I know about the character of God is that He can provide for needs we didn't even know we had. He faithfully releases encouragement, support, finances, employment, wisdom, gifts, to name a few, for our benefit and blessing. You can't convince me that his wife was off of God's radar. If he had made "The Other Choice", she would have been taken care of. Because that is who God is. I am not saying her life would be easy. I can only imagine the heartbreak, the loss, the confusion, the embarrassment of judgment from others who did not understand, but God would have been there. 

I want to remember that always. Whatever He asks me, or my Love, or my children to do, He will be there. For all of us.  

Well, Here I Am!!

 

There I am! Highlights and all! It's not the very best picture ever but it works to show you what my final "gift" looks like.

I love it. I REALLY do. I look in the mirror now and I see the brightness of my youth and the little touch of gray at the top of the part on my hair to indicate there might be a bit of wisdom contained in my newly colored hair. I actually like that the gal who does my hair, KJ  Russel (let me know if you want her number), left the gray in. She knows I prefer a more "natural" look after doing my hair for over 6 years. 

This week I started my strength training routine again as well as consistent cardio (run, bike, swim) to keep me in shape for the triathlons I plan to do next year. Yes, I plan on doing more than one! 

My Monday workout was 10 min on the bike, working hard to get a good "warm-up" before my strength training exercises (about 30 min) and then another 15 minutes on the treadmill, working on increasing my speed on my running. I did intervals, fast walking, running my regular speed and then picking up speed for a few minutes. It was a great workout! I told the Lord that if He would help me keep the kids healthy, I would keep up the hard work. 

Also, for my goals for the week, in case you are curious, I will be IN BED by 10pm, drink my water, and continue to eat as "clean" as possible. I thank you for your prayers if you feel led. Blessings!