Digging Deeper...

Today I spoke with my Health Coach Michelle (a service through my health insurance company). Once a week we discuss what I have been doing to reach my goals of healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

This week the conversation was a little hard to take. She and I have been talking weekly for seven months. She has been a consistent voice of encouragement, wisdom and challenge. But today was different.

Today she told me she thought I was settling for less than the best. I need to dig deeper to accomplish the results I really want. She said she felt I wasn't reaching my weight loss goals, not because I didn't have the right tools, but because I am not working hard enough consistently with them.

She is right.

I knew it when the tears popped from my eyes and my heart heard the truth in her words. She likened it to a person who didn't want to get hurt again in a relationship. I cried some more, not deep sobs of agony, just tears of a well aimed wisdom-arrow hitting the target of truth.

So, today, not a week from now, not tomorrow, I am digging deeper. Every rationalization for eating the things that don't bless my body has to go... every consideration of how far I've come and how "proud" I should be of myself for the changes I already have made, that is not enough.

I have to get more uncomfortable. Dig deeper within the resources God gave me to press in for the tangible evidence of all the hard work - weight loss. I have a healthy, slim, fit woman locked inside this body and she wants OUT! It is time to do what it takes to release her.

I know what it looks like to Dig Deep. I have experienced it before. I know I can do it. It is very uncomfortable in the transition, but worth the effort.

Her synopsis of our conversation (she emails me after our talks) included the following sentence, "You are so disciplined, full of heart and you are ready for the next level."

She is right! 

I will keep you posted on my progress. After all, this is what "Prism Progress" is all about! NOT Prism Maintenance or Prism Status Quo or Prism Retreat!!

The Spring Dash Baby!!

The contrast between this year's Spring Dash and last year's was quite obvious.

Last year:

• I had only been exercising consistently for 6 months
• I cried most of the walk, a combination of watching others pass me by (of all ages), knowing it was the first of MANY events I would complete - breaking down my sedentary past and marching ahead to my athletic future!
• I walked the entire time.
• I had blisters the size of quarters on each foot!
• I completed the race in 1hr 39minutes.
• I ranked 79 of 80 in my age group. 1224 overall.

This year:

• I have completed a Sprint triathlon
• I have exercised consistently for 18mos.
• I ran alongside or chased (she kept a few steps ahead of me to increase my pace a bit :)) my beloved friend Michele.
• It didn't even occur to me to cry - I was so excited to see what I could do!
• I ran ALMOST the entire time. I did run faster than my regular pace which made my chest start to hurt like what happened when I started training faster  so I had to walk for about 10 minutes. But, once I felt better, I ran the rest of the race, finishing as fast as I could at the final stretch.
• NO Blisters!!
• I completed the race in 1hr 18minutes.
• I ranked 51 of 71 in my age group and 802 overall.

I had a great time. Several dear friends were there to cheer me on and run/walk the race themselves. It wasn't "fun" exactly, but it was good hard work and I did my very best to push as hard as I could for the best result possible.

Some things I thought would change that haven't...
I still had to order a 2x t-shirt.

I have changed some of my thinking and I will share it for your amusement :
As a part of diligently controlling my thought life so I can fully embrace who I am right now and love where I am at (weight and shape specifically) I have started adding "Barbie" to the end of my attire for the day...
Spring Dash day I was "Running Barbie"
Swimming days I am "Swimming Barbie"
Weight Lifting days I am "Workout Barbie"

You get the picture. It always makes me chuckle and keeps my mind on the end result of my efforts (NO I am not striving to look EXACTLY like Barbie! Yes, I am familiar with the fact she is inaccurately proportioned;).
I want to love being me - Now. Just like I stated in my blog about body image .

I look forward to what the rest of this year holds - at least 1 Sprint triathlon, a team triathlon with my Love and a great friend, and maybe one more event, we will see...

God in the Yard Week 5 Sabbath on a Page & Body Image

I love this quote/prompt from God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat :

"Let your mind turn to things that make you afraid, jealous, or irritable because they are strange keys to eventual gratitude - be honest, not nice. It will take you farther."

So I shall! This is a little raw, so if you are easily offended, you may want to pass on reading further.

I will start with AFRAID
I remain afraid that my body will never change. That I will never become the healthy fit woman I want to be. How long will I have to face this internal panic alarm that sounds when I don't go to the gym? How long will I allow my exhaustion to rule my eating habits and the numbing out with the TV - to cope with all the stuff I'm too tired to deal with?

JEALOUS
Seriously jealous of anyone who has forty pounds or less to lose. I don't want to hear you complain about your body either. DECIDE to feel good in your skin, no matter your size! That is how I am learning to live and I have over 100 lbs to lose!

IRRITABLE
I find myself irritable with people who don't appreciate what they have. Regarding body image specifically here, I have to work TWICE as hard for TWICE as long to get any changes to show (because of my hormonal/physiological function). Can you PLEASE quit crabbing about the few cellulite dimples on your thighs? REALLY would you LOOK in the mirror? DECIDE your life is too precious to waste fretting over your physical imperfections and EMBRACE ALL of who you are TODAY - not who you will be minus 5, 10, 30, 75 lbs. PLEASE!

GRATITUDE part :
Thank you Lord for all I am learning about myself on this journey. The fear, the jealousy, the irritation expose places in ME that need Your healing, my actions and Your Grace. I want ALL You have for me, the WHOLE blessing of working and walking it out for Your glory, not my own. The changes You are making in me are about the journey NOT the destination.