Wednesday, October 27, 2010

I am a desperate woman!

Based on Luke 8:40-48 (Re-Post from June with art included this time)

I may not have walked her very same road, but I find myself reaching out for Him, the same way, needing Him, desperately. Today I drew the picture He showed me when I wrote this. It is in pencil on a sheet of copy paper. It didn't scan great, but you can still get the idea.

A Desperate Woman
My desperation for You leads me 
From my enforced solitude out to the mob.
My heart cries out for Your attention
Stretching for Your hem I land in the dirt.

The chaos around me is overwhelming.
The stench of the filth and dirt fill my senses,
Yet I reach out with all I have 
Knowing You are my only hope.
You alone contain what I so desperately need.

I catch You...

Your gaze upon me is exciting and terrifying at the same time.
You have now exposed me to the others but Your attention,

It alters me...

The look in Your loving eyes enfolds me
And the knowing words from Your lips revive me
Both confirm the healing I feel at my core.

As You turn and move on I know I will never return
To the place I once thought I would never leave.

I am healed.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010


Having been an avid Star Trek:The Next Generation junkie for years, one of my favorite things said by Data, the android character was "Processing..." The robot who could make a zillion calculations per second still had to take a second or two to process.

Me too. And I am not nearly that efficient!

Today I saw the endocrinologist. I have waited about 6 weeks for this appointment.

They measured me, apparently my 5'7" frame has shrunk, since according to the nurse I am 5'5" now, great, as if my Body Mass Indicator needed any MORE help with calling me obese. And today I weighed in at 277.5lbs. I have gained 7.5lbs of my 25lb weight loss back in the past 3 weeks or so. Ugh. Of course I can excuse myself and say, well, I am neck deep in my menstrual cycle feeling bloated and icky, I was wearing jeans and earrings (lol - I am sure they weigh at least 5lbs :), and well, I haven't really worked out hard for 2 weeks.

Excuses and all, honestly, I am eating crappy, not working out the way I want to and not journaling my food like I should be to keep my caloric intake in check. 

I told you, the new me is hear to stay. So what the heck is the deal with the OLD habits running the show?
Will get back to that, but first, what the doc had to say...

He looked at the blood work results that he had done, he asked me a hundred questions or so, and said he was going to do some more in-depth blood tests to rule out a few things, but overall he didn't see any secondary issues behind my being overweight. He actually said that 25lbs of weight loss over 5 months is great.

One of the 100 questions was if I had ever had a consultation about weight loss surgery. I said no, and that I had never really considered it as an option. In my mind, I got myself into this mess and I need to do some good, old fashioned hard work to get back out of it. I asked him if I should be considering it. He told me that with my health being otherwise really good, I had a window to try to lose weight through diet and exercise but it wasn't going to get any easier over time.

I have felt pretty emotional about it ever since. Teetering on tears for hours now, I feel like I have to just let them fall. To help me process my sadness and turmoil, I baked whole wheat, oatmeal chocolate chip and pecan cookies. And I ate several, a few several. Ahhh, can you say meltdown?

My health coach from my insurance company will be reading this at some point. She suggested we focus on the "Stress Management" booklet last week. No doubt. Stress. Yup. I got some of that. In the process of working through the beginning part of the booklet I had to write my low stress vision. This is what I said:

I will function daily with clear purpose, emotional stability, nurturing and nourishing myself and my family with healthy food and activities. I will provide consistent consequences and training for my sons. I will fulfill my destiny to bring encouragement and motivation to others through my writing and through quality healthy relationships. I will be balanced in my personal and family schedule. I will be relaxed, timely in completion of tasks and arriving for events, clear and peaceful directing my sons and with a good balance of rest and activities on my calendar.

Not bad huh? Now how in the HECK to I get there? Well, I haven't read further yet. Will have to let you know later.

But here is the issue for me:

I KNOW my life will look different 2 years from now, just like 2 years ago it looked totally different than today. How long does this transformation, healthy choices healthy living thing take????? Forever as far as I can tell. That does not exactly fill me with hope. It doesn't derail my hope. I just don't feel terribly inspired by that.

What are the roots of these insane drives for using food for comfort, satiating my nerves and my body. The days I eat too much are the days when I feel like there is not enough of me to go around. Why isn't God enough? It isn't like I have barely spent time with Him. I spend hours with Him, every week. Do I lack faith in the transformation He is designing in me? Do I really want to look like I do forever, even if I can lug my huge self through a triathlon?

Why does lap band surgery feel like a cop-out? Why can't I just get down to business and do the work?

As you can tell, I am fresh out of answers, that is why I am processing. Tonight I am hurting over this. Not discouraged, really. Just in pain.

I KNOW this is a life long journey. I know He has called me to step it up and get busy walking in the NEW me. However, I have NO idea how to do that!

I have to start with what I know:
Count my calories
Put good clean food in
Drink my water
Don't get discouraged
Just keep going
Cry if I have to but don't stop making small changes.
Get over myself - dessert may not kill me, but it isn't going to help me either 
Quit leaning on food
Lean more on God

For now, that's all I got. I have been cooped up with the kids for days and desperately need to reconnect with my friend Motivation. Especially since I have 2 little boys who began their pink eye today, so it will be another 4 days of confinement.

Oh Jesus, help me process all of this!

Monday, October 25, 2010

A Weekend to be Thankful For

The fall variety pack of "crud" has come to our house.

I really have nothing to complain about. We have food, laundry supplies, disinfecting supplies, even a couple of candles to enhance our fall "crud" experience. I did the shopping before we became confined. The kids got sick in a variety of ways Friday evening. Should I blame it on the fact I shopped at WalMart for the first time in a month? Probably not. But I should have known something was up when they were all fairly good, only getting into one play fist fight in the aisle that got out of hand. They lost their Hot Wheels toys I was going to get them for great behavior but they retained their video game privileges.

They haven't left the house since we got home from grocery shopping Friday after school. So if I feel a little stir crazy, I am sure they are going nuts.

Erik and I managed to get out of the house Saturday. I had coffee with a friend a 7am. Once I returned home, we had a few hours of focused family time, then my Love took off to the woods with friends and four-wheelers to ride in the rain and mud. Later that evening, precious Nana came over to play with the boys so we could have dinner with a couple from church who have oversight of Missions at our church. We talked about our relationship with Urban Outreach and our recently formed New Life MOPS ministry. It was a great evening full of sharing our hearts about the the Great Commission and brainstorming ministry outreach possibilities. It was a pretty great day for the grown ups. Mostly.

Saturday evening wasn't so fun, my Love had dry heaves like I haven't seen since pregnancy,  my 5 year old's head cold dropped into his chest causing a horrible scary croup cough that took until 2am to get him settled back to bed, an hour later I was awakened by my 2 year old fussing and unsettled with a slight fever. Another hour after that, my oldest son needed a wash cloth to soak his eye open so he could see to go potty. A wild night for sure!

Sunday morning dawned a bit early for all of us. We declared it a jammy day and began our movie, cartoon marathon. I made Pumpkin French Toast (just add 2-3T of pumpkin to regular french toast mixture & oil your pan well) and slacked off on all my usual duties until time came to feed everyone again. We decided to borrow the Star Wars trilogy and show it to the boys since my 6 year old has become obsessed with all things Star Wars. It seemed like a great idea at the time.

But, as you can see by the picture, I did not fully consider how an eye/mind-full of Star Wars would do for my two year old. I would have NEVER let my other two watch the movie at that age, but it totally escaped my protective mommy radar. And I paid for it, not as badly as he did, but I was up in the night several times helping him get past nightmares from visuals he was not prepared to deal with. I felt sad for him. So many things I was so diligent with about his brothers have just slipped through the cracks of my attentiveness. Lord, help me!

After the Star Wars movie, we took a break and carved pumpkins. It was so funny watching each fella be squeamish about sticking their arms into the pumpkin. The older two wanted my help and the youngest, he just went for it! After the boys had enough "pumpkin goo", I finished cleaning them out and got busy carving to order (based on the stencils in the kit I bought).

All that said, today has felt anti-climactic. Sofa surfing, Netflix, breaking up a fight or two, snuggling, tickling, reminding that they need to rest to get better, and trying to excavate the mess that crept in yesterday when I did nothing but cook the required meals. A conversation with the Doc today confirmed tomorrow will look the same as today. Sigh.

How can I complain? I have really healthy kids that come down with an occasional round of "crud" from the places they go. It has been gray and rainy outside so there is no longing to go out to play, our big picture window looks out to our neighbors amazing maple tree that is currently about four different colors, and concentrated snuggle time with any one of my fellas, day or night, is priceless time.

Thank You Lord, for a chance to put the brakes on in life to rest together, play together and enjoy being a family.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

The Wellspring: The Beauty of Mucking Through

The Wellspring: The Beauty of Mucking Through
Reading this today put words to some of what I am processing right now. The transitions of seasons, of life, of relationships.

Today I will let my cyber-friend speak for me, eloquent and deliberate in the wisdom of her words. I treasure this dear one's journey and praise God for our connection.

I pray her words will minister to you as they have me.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Wondering what this next season is about
I feel so off kilter and disjointed.

I think I am past the anger at the discomfort
Now I wait, for revelation and purpose.

Easily overwhelmed by small things
Jittery and tense about petty details
I wonder.

I don't see the point in asking why
I know He is working out His plan in me

He told me to go about life
Knowing He is present and don't fear.

Still I wonder, how long will the "out of sorts"
and disorientation in my days linger?

Only He knows.
And, for the most part,
 I am okay with that.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Here it is... edited

A friend gave me some advice about editing and I have found myself having trouble just typing away my thoughts and not having much concern about the clarity of my content and such.

Recently I read a different friend's writing (not a blogger) and was not impressed by the massive amount of words, unclear references, slightly off-putting style and spelling errors. I realize I sound a bit snooty, but after my editor friend's advice, it made this other person's writing all the more unsettling.

I am far from perfect in my clarity, "preachy-ness", and typos. And I have been suitably reprimanded. My editor friend talked about respecting your readers enough to be very clear and focused in your writing. Like the difference between coming into a messy house or a clean one.

You may not feel badly about the people who live there (maybe you do, I don't usually mind the mess), you just notice the difference. A clean house is refreshing to walk into. Clear spaces to set your eyes on, fresh smells (not sterile, mind you ;), and it is inviting to come in and take a load off. Messy houses (I know, I've lived in one for years - only recently have I started changing my ways) cause you to work a bit harder to focus on its occupants and the words being spoken. There is "rest" in a messy house, but it isn't as easy to really "settle" in. That has been my experience. Especially in my own space.

This is why I haven't blogged much this past week. I have been processing what my writing should really look and sound like. I don't want it to be a cluttered mess of words, hard to understand and difficult to find relevance in.
I want my writing to be crisp and clear, bringing refreshment and joy, like a walk on the beach at sunrise.

I am SO thankful for my friend enlightening me on this important part of writing. I truly respect those of you who take the time to read what I have to say.

Please forgive me for my past "preaching" and I will be working hard to edit and clarify these writings from now on. Blessings!!!

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Something to Say

I LOVE this song! Written by Matthew West and Sam Mitzell it really has "Something to Say". Will you listen?

I posted a music video a student made with this song earlier today, so if you want to hear it, just scroll down to my last "post" and you will find it there. But here are the lyrics:

Something To Say lyrics

Wake up, 7:32 a.m.
Can't believe it's time to do it over again
Yesterday it took all that you had
And you're wondering if you'll ever get it back
But the whole wide world is waiting for
Waiting for you to step out that door
Come on and let your life be heard today

you got something to say
If you're living, if you're breathing
you got something to say
you know if your heart is beating
you got something to say
and no one can say it like you do
God is love and love speaks through
you got it, you got it
you got something to say

Listen up
I got a question here
would anybody miss you if you disappeared?
your life is the song that you sing
and the whole wide world is listening
well, the answer to your question is
you were created, your life is a gift
and the lights are shining on you today

I love that! It is right on! So many times I hear people say, "I could never write like you do", "I don't know how you do that", etc.

I agree, you aren't supposed to write like me. You are supposed to be you. God picked YOU. For this time, for this season, for this place, for the people you are surrounded by. Listen to Him and then respond. Respond to Him and then obey.

Follow His lead, kindness, truth, justice, love, peace, hope, it's all there in His Word, we are important to those He puts in our path. If you think you aren't, I am quite comfortable telling you that you are wrong. You matter. He wouldn't have made you if you didn't.

SO - in keeping with this "something to say" post, I am going to ask you to COMMENT on this post with something YOU have on your heart to say. You may post anonymously, that is fine, but post something. Listen for a minute, then type.

What do YOU have to say? What do YOU want someone to know? What matters to YOU?

I honestly look forward to what YOU have to say!

Matthew West - Something To Say - Music Video

Monday, October 11, 2010

A Sacrifice of Praise

Something neat happened last night.

I was worshiping at one of my favorite locations, listening to the deep rich tones of a beloved friend belt out from her core her love for God and the songs that she felt led to sing, only a few chairs along the edge of the wall, an open expanse of floor, it beckoned me to come, open up, release all to my King, and move however I felt led.

I released my feet from their shoes, looking forward to what was to come.

As I began to dance with the beat of the drum, bouncing, swaying, lifting my hands, I felt the sweetness of His presence, heard the cry of His heart for me, "Rejoice, my Beloved, Rejoice!" "Enjoy this open plain that I have drawn you into, feel the freedom in your step, in your heart, in your mind. I have released so many bonds you have held and have held you. Celebrate my Beloved! Celebrate!"

I smiled, I laughed, I cracked up at my rhythmically challenged motions. Then I saw them. Angels. Lots of them. Dancing with strength, clear forceful motions as if sweeping freedom about the room or trying to spread a fragrance in the entire space. I saw them weave and move between each worshiper. I did not see faces, only silhouettes and impressions of their radiant "bodies". I moved with them, watching their motions and moving with them. It became effortless.

And then,
I started getting tired.

I wanted to stop and just soak, resting in His presence instead of moving in it. The words that came crisp and clear into my heart, "You are built for endurance. I created you for it. Endure my love, offer your weariness and desire to stop, to Me as a sacrifice and keep dancing. You did your triathlon for my glory, two hours and twenty-two minutes, you can do this. You move for My glory, pour it out for me Beloved, we both know you have it in you." I sensed His tender smile and I kept dancing, and started chuckling again because my challenged rhythm was even worse in my weariness. But I danced, and danced, and danced, and just like in my training, I found more of me than I thought I had and I danced some more. It was wonderful!

Again I found myself in awe of how refreshed I could feel at the same time being so physically exhausted. Obedience to God is like that, not all the time, but it definitely seems to work out that way a lot lately.

I drove away, grinning. Refreshed, celebrating, and happily looking forward to coming home to my Love awaiting my return.

We had a wonderful evening together. So thankful, yet again!

Saturday, October 9, 2010


I have had a hard time posting the last few days but I am not exactly sure why. It's like my whole mental world has gone on vacation. My mommy-self is still hard at work, the housewifey-self is busy too, but Jennifer, the "me" that writes these blogs, well, I think she just checked out for a bit!

When I prayed about my inability to write I felt nothing really. No conviction. No insight. No nothing.

Well, okay then... :)
But today was different. Today I knew I needed to write. I knew I needed to just start typing and let the words fall out.

My number for my triathlon was 1151. Cool. I have a number from being in a triathlon! Yes, I still have to go back, read my blog, look at the pictures, and really REMEMBER that I did do THAT! Seems a bit silly I bet!

Anyway, a few weeks after my race, I was thinking about numbers. Often I will be praying and a Bible  "address" will come to mind. So, I look it up. Sometimes its a Ahh Haa moment, other times I wonder why that number floated to the surface. But, since my race number was "randomly" assigned I decided to look it up in the Bible. Weird huh?

So, I looked up different chapters and verses - Ch 11:51 - there aren't many of those, but I did find one that seemed pretty cool... Psalm 115 verse 1 (in the New International Version)
Here is what it says:

Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to Your name be the glory,
because of Your love and faithfulness.


This whole blog about my health, the physical pursuits God is asking me to take, the challenges of taking really great care of myself so I can take really great care of my family, THAT IS IT!!

Not to me  --- but to you O LORD, not to me
but to YOUR name be the glory
Because I know that without YOUR Love and YOUR faithfulness, I would have NEVER made it this far. Ever.

The Message says it this way:

  Not for our sake, God, no, not for our sake, but for your name's sake, show your glory.
   Do it on account of your merciful love,
      do it on account of your faithful ways.
   Do it so none of the nations can say,
 "Where now, oh where is their God?"

He is all about doing this in me. I have been meditating on a few verses lately that have to do with God's glory being revealed. Here they are in the Amplified version:

John 9:1-3

 1AS HE passed along, He noticed a man blind from his birth.    2His disciples asked Him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?
    3Jesus answered, It was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.

 When I was in the spring of my 9th year wanting to have a baby, having been through a whole assortment of crazy events and circumstances, God showed me this passage as if I had never seen it before. I love the gospel of John and have read it many times, but I had never seen this passage as it applied to me in my situation. A few weeks later I was visiting my parents and my Dad asked if I was willing to hear from him on something important. I, of course, said, "yes".

He then brought up this same verse and said, "Jenni, God wants to reveal His glory in you. I wonder if that is why you have had to wait and why you have walked through so many painful trials in this time." He had tears in his eyes, he knew how long and painful the season had been, it was so awful for he and Mom to see me hurting so bad and wait with me. My eyes welled up and said, "yes Dad, I believe that is true. What you are saying to me now is confirmation of what God just spoke to me a couple of weeks ago, I am not waiting for no reason, or because I am not "enough" or "ready". I am waiting so His glory will be revealed." We cried for a few minutes as we soaked in what God had shared with us both. It is truly a treasured memory. Only a few months later, and I was pregnant. Someday I will write about how His glory was revealed in that season.

But for now, this season, this journey, this process of becoming a stronger, healthier, wiser, fitter, faster, leaner, spectacular, amazing, inspiring, delightful, ok, I am getting carried away here, this process is about HIS glory being revealed in me.

Now, I don't think for a second that I haven't sinned in becoming overweight. I certainly have, but because He is so good, and I am so - not, He is using even my sin to show His glory.

It is NOT me! I am not good at this and I am not "strong". I am HIS. And He is mine. I don't want to be some super star - super fit - super hottie woman on my own. I want to be all HIS. My sin and its consequences done away with, my strength coming from Him to make new choices and to walk, run, bike, swim, or lift weights, not my willpower which is not exactly proven itself to be reliable. Ever. Yikes!

Only walking every day in obedience. Living for Him, writing what I am learning, eating what is good for me, loving my family and loving myself, those are the things He is calling me to do - For HIS glory and for only Him.

Thanks for joining me on this wild ride!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

An Awesome Day!!

Awesome is such a wonderful word.

You can communicate so much with just that word...
The definition:


inspiring awe: an awesome sight.
showing or characterized by awe.
Slang . very impressive: That new white convertible is totally awesome.

1590–1600; awe  + -some1
awe·some·ly, adverb
awe·some·ness, noun
awful, awesome, offal (see usage note at awful).

See awful.

See! Even the dictionary understands  so here is my AWESOME, Awesome, awesome. day!

I put on jeans today I haven't worn in two years!


I put healthy food in my body most of the day and felt really good about how the day was progressing!


I wrestled my two year old at a Cross Country race for the school district (about 800ish people) and endured glares, kicks and screaming, aching arms, sore ears, sweaty, grumpy, etc for almost 2 hours.


Then I took the gang to McDonalds for dinner though I was tempted to feed my little tantrum man crackers and water, he got nuggets instead. I ate a Quarter pounder with cheese and french fries and half a Sprite.


After wrestling my little guy again in front of my friends at AWANA group at church and dropping off my big guys, I had to use a good portion of my weight to strap my little screamer kicking into his car seat AGAIN.


Then, I find myself in the Dairy Queen parking lot, contemplating a Peanut Buster Parfait. I buy it and eat it in front of said screaming 2 year old explaining that he has been too naughty for ice cream and mommy worked super hard today dealing with his grumpy attitude.


So, the little temper-master throws another one in AWANA when it's time to pick up his brothers, my head is aching, my arms and back are tired from holding his kicking screaming self once again, and everyone is looking at me, at least sympathetically this time.


Finally, I get my grumpy angel into his jammies, little chompers brushed, and we rock together singing, "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world."


We pray, me first asking God to wash away the residue of the day, the grumpy looks from strangers, the crabbies from him and me, and we thank God for sleep and feeling better in the morning. Awesome!
I tuck my exhausted angel into bed, saying sleep good and Mommy loves you! and he says, love you Mommy.


Big guys, my super star racers, memory verse learners, school lovers, they are tucked in too, after working out a small squabble over who knows what. Prayers said, songs sung, "I love you Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship You, Oh my soul, rejoice. Take Joy my King, in what You hear, may it be a sweet, sweet sound, in your ear." Good night boys! I love you! Good night Mom I love you... 


Tomorrow is another day. A chance to start again, enjoying the precious ones I live with, loving the life I have, and celebrating the healthy life I am working and walking out, one day at a time.


Monday, October 4, 2010

For God my Creator - Elohim

Let all of us declare the glory of Your name!
Your infinite design transcends all fame.
Unending creativity inspired Creation
How we celebrate Your astounding provision!

I’m revealing Your glory through
My thoughts, words and motions
My evident desire to display You
Completely in all my interactions.

I ask for Your Light to shine
Declaring to all that I am Thine
In this day and all that come
May all Your sovereign Will be done.

Your Will revealed declares my best
Within Your presence I choose to rest.
Not striving or in pursuit
But walking, thriving, believing, it.

I commit my all to You
Obeying your Word in what I do
Meditating, Your thoughts exchanged for mine
My flesh submits to being refined.

My purpose revealed each day I dance
Intertwined with You in divine romance.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Sweet Release

This past week has been a hard one. There have definitely been highlights, but overall, the constant head pain has been a perpetual drain on my mental and emotional energy.

This morning, after church there were the prayer teams up front as is our custom at New Life. I told my Love that I wanted to go get prayer and asked if he would join me. He agreed.

The women standing up front were two spiritual moms of mine. Each has led me, or walked with me, through different challenging seasons of my life in prayer, encouragement, and consistent support. I was so thankful to see them this morning.

My Love stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders, a stance he takes when I go up front for prayer. It is his tender place of authority over me and I find great comfort in it. The women anointed me with oil and prayed for me.

As I listened to their prayers for me there were words that brought a deep response within my heart.
Release control.
Release fear of headaches.(I once had the same headache every day for 4 years - I was concerned that was going to happen again - they didn't know this)
Release anxiety.
Tension be gone.
Fear be gone.
Supernatural exchange - God's power for my strength.
I could feel the Lord draining the stress from my body. When my Love leaves town I shoulder the responsibility for all of our home, family, activities, etc. I do this automatically. Without even thinking. These past few weeks when he has been traveling so much, the burden, instead of releasing upon his return, just stays because he is leaving again soon.

This morning, with these dear women, and my Love, enfolding me in their arms and hearts, I found release. I found His grace, His power, His healing.

They were speaking of heat in their hands, sensing His presence touching me. I felt only a slight heat, but the outpouring from my eyes and my body made it obvious I was releasing the anxiety and tension I had been stockpiling for weeks.

Then, a prayer for...


For the weeks following my triathlon I have been struggling with a fear of being stuck. That my body will always look this way, that I will always struggle with being an athlete in a fat body that doesn't look anything like the health that resides within me.

Today when they prayed, they saw a brick wall. I told them about my fear of being stuck. I told them I know it is not Truth but I haven't been able to shake it. Or pray through it, or get past it.

They prayed and we asked God to demolish the wall and that the crushing of the wall would bring about the fragrance of Christ, as surely as when one crushes flower petals their scent is released even more. I saw, in my mind's eye, the wall demolished with a wrecking ball. There was a path where the ball struck that went all the way to the ground. The bottom bricks of the wall on either side of the path were all that was left of the wall itself. I asked the Lord about those and believe He told me that I might trip on them if I don't walk the path He has laid before me. But if I stick on the path, my stride will not be interrupted.

The word DEMOLISH is a strong one. It leaves no question in what it means. Neither does this passage:
"3For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. 4The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Wikipedia says "A stronghold is a strongly fortified defensive structure."

There are many "strongholds" in my heart and mind that I have demolished in this season of my life. The pursuit of health and wellness has brought about all kinds of  healing as the bricks turn to rubble as I choose to go in a new direction.

The thing is, there is always something new God wants us to release to Him. Once we demolish one stronghold, another place where we have put up our defenses reveals itself. He doesn't make us demolish them all at once because He knows about process. He knows what we need to learn, when we need to learn it and how long each demolition will take.

So, as the residue of my tension fades in the quiet ache remaining in my head, I know that the full healing comes as I continue to REST, TRUST, exchange my strength for His power, and release the tension/anxiety to Him.

This has become quite long, so I will continue some more on this topic in another post tomorrow. Thanks for your prayers!