When I prayed about my inability to write I felt nothing really. No conviction. No insight. No nothing.
Well, okay then... :)
But today was different. Today I knew I needed to write. I knew I needed to just start typing and let the words fall out.
My number for my triathlon was 1151. Cool. I have a number from being in a triathlon! Yes, I still have to go back, read my blog, look at the pictures, and really REMEMBER that I did do THAT! Seems a bit silly I bet!
Anyway, a few weeks after my race, I was thinking about numbers. Often I will be praying and a Bible "address" will come to mind. So, I look it up. Sometimes its a Ahh Haa moment, other times I wonder why that number floated to the surface. But, since my race number was "randomly" assigned I decided to look it up in the Bible. Weird huh?
So, I looked up different chapters and verses - Ch 11:51 - there aren't many of those, but I did find one that seemed pretty cool... Psalm 115 verse 1 (in the New International Version)
Here is what it says:
Not to us, O LORD, not to us
but to Your name be the glory,
because of Your love and faithfulness.
HOW COOL IS THAT???!!!
This whole blog about my health, the physical pursuits God is asking me to take, the challenges of taking really great care of myself so I can take really great care of my family, THAT IS IT!!
Not to me --- but to you O LORD, not to me
but to YOUR name be the glory
Because I know that without YOUR Love and YOUR faithfulness, I would have NEVER made it this far. Ever.
The Message says it this way:
Not for our sake, God, no, not for our sake, but for your name's sake, show your glory.
Do it on account of your merciful love,
do it on account of your faithful ways.
Do it so none of the nations can say,
"Where now, oh where is their God?"
He is all about doing this in me. I have been meditating on a few verses lately that have to do with God's glory being revealed. Here they are in the Amplified version:
1AS HE passed along, He noticed a man blind from his birth. 2His disciples asked Him, Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he should be born blind?
3Jesus answered, It was not that this man or his parents sinned, but he was born blind in order that the workings of God should be manifested (displayed and illustrated) in him.
When I was in the spring of my 9th year wanting to have a baby, having been through a whole assortment of crazy events and circumstances, God showed me this passage as if I had never seen it before. I love the gospel of John and have read it many times, but I had never seen this passage as it applied to me in my situation. A few weeks later I was visiting my parents and my Dad asked if I was willing to hear from him on something important. I, of course, said, "yes".
He then brought up this same verse and said, "Jenni, God wants to reveal His glory in you. I wonder if that is why you have had to wait and why you have walked through so many painful trials in this time." He had tears in his eyes, he knew how long and painful the season had been, it was so awful for he and Mom to see me hurting so bad and wait with me. My eyes welled up and said, "yes Dad, I believe that is true. What you are saying to me now is confirmation of what God just spoke to me a couple of weeks ago, I am not waiting for no reason, or because I am not "enough" or "ready". I am waiting so His glory will be revealed." We cried for a few minutes as we soaked in what God had shared with us both. It is truly a treasured memory. Only a few months later, and I was pregnant. Someday I will write about how His glory was revealed in that season.
But for now, this season, this journey, this process of becoming a stronger, healthier, wiser, fitter, faster, leaner, spectacular, amazing, inspiring, delightful, ok, I am getting carried away here, this process is about HIS glory being revealed in me.
Now, I don't think for a second that I haven't sinned in becoming overweight. I certainly have, but because He is so good, and I am so - not, He is using even my sin to show His glory.
It is NOT me! I am not good at this and I am not "strong". I am HIS. And He is mine. I don't want to be some super star - super fit - super hottie woman on my own. I want to be all HIS. My sin and its consequences done away with, my strength coming from Him to make new choices and to walk, run, bike, swim, or lift weights, not my willpower which is not exactly proven itself to be reliable. Ever. Yikes!
Only walking every day in obedience. Living for Him, writing what I am learning, eating what is good for me, loving my family and loving myself, those are the things He is calling me to do - For HIS glory and for only Him.
Thanks for joining me on this wild ride!