Monday, February 28, 2011

Transformation Equation - God in the Yard Week 2

In my other blog "The Journey Begins Today" I have written about my journey through the book God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat. I have bounced between both of my blogs because I want to stay true to what each one represents.

The Journey Begins Today is about me and my family. Our adventures, challenges and my journey as a wife, mother, daughter and friend in that process. This book is touching me in that facet of my life as well as in the area that this blog is focused on and that is my personal transformation from being overweight and tired into fit and athletic.

I am elaborating in this post on this equation:

Me box = all of who I am right now

Old Ways box =  
- leaning on food for comfort, celebration, energy when I should just go to bed, etc.
- breaking old habits of coping (yelling at my kids, impatient or disrespectful to my Love)
- STOP meeting my own needs - Not trusting God for His provision for ALL my needs emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually

Pay attention box =  This means staying in His Word, not for the purpose of the Law (rules and commands), but for the purpose of understanding His Grace and love for me that compels me to see the instructions He has laid out for me as a blessing and not a penalty - I love this passage in Hebrews!

Taking new action box = being willing to be uncomfortable and do something that stretches me. If I never make different choices, why should I expect to change?? You know the old saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results... yeah, I need to NOT do that!

Transformed me box = I have no idea what this final picture will look like. I really don't. I can't say I really care. I just know God is inviting me to be transformed and I want to take Him up on it.

My fellas think they should have breakfast, so I must attend to their tummy rumblings and embrace all God has planned for me today. I meet with a dietician today about my food intake. I really plan to pick her brain on all sorts of thoughts and questions. Lap band surgery, meal replacements, clean cooking, organic or not etc. I will let you know what I find out.

Thanks for being a part of my progress!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Uncomfortable (God in the Yard - Week 2 - Question 2)

I am currently reading a book called God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat and you can follow my journey more often on my 3boymomma blog, but this one specifically pertains to my pursuit of becoming healthy and fit so I am posting it here...

In the second week of my journey in the second section of questions I found this one:

"When I experience deep emotions that swing from one extreme to the other, I think this might mean..."

In the past it would have meant I was in desperate need of some deep inner healing... and maybe I do, but not in this season of my life.

I am going to answer this question as it relates to taking care of myself physically.

...I am charting new territory in my heart, body and mind and that is UNCOMFORTABLE!

Doing new stuff is hard. Parenting, changing the way I eat (and how my family eats too), adding intense focused exercise, and developing new habits of dealing with "stuff" pushes me out of the nest of my comfort zone. My first step may be in confidence and then, as I free-fall though the air of changing circumstances, eventually landing on my butt or nose, depending on the day, it HURTS! (yes, I know I don't always land in a painful place, but lately, that is how it seems.)

A few nights ago I drove away from the gym in pain. It took forever to find a parking place, so I almost gave up, then there were a million people there and I couldn't find an open piece of equipment, then when I did find one, my entire workout hurt (my hip to be specific). My whole body hurt by the time I was done. On my way back to the car I saw my full profile reflected in the glass on the wall. That image sealed the deal on the futility of my efforts these many months. I cried as I left the parking lot vowing I would never go back.

But, not to worry, I changed my mind within about 20 minutes, hearing my friend Tarri's voice in my head, "If it was easy, everyone would do it."

I said earlier I am charting new territory. I have to get past the "been there done that" mentality after my successful triathlon completion and push my body for more. To be Faster, Stronger, Leaner, Smarter, I must cover new ground and open myself up to more intense feelings of discomfort.

I have no doubt that the first "step" out of the nest for a bird, ready or not, is uncomfortable. That is how I feel. Change is uncomfortable. It can be exciting and rewarding, but it still different from what once was.

This question comes to mind, if I am comfortable - is there a reason to change? I don't think so.

Being in my current body is quite uncomfortable in many ways. When I look in the mirror I don't look like how I feel. I am me, but I am slowed by the burden of my weight and my muscles built with so much effort are buried in excess fat. My positive personality and zest for life are distorted by my appearance (to others) and make my passion for my Savior seem less credible with such obvious sin encasing my frame.

I am not going to lie. I am not far from that place I was last week. Tears are very close to the surface. I have spent way too many years being "comfortable" and the body I have now is the result. I need to become uncomfortable with the status quo and do something uncomfortable - jump out of my nest and become consistently uncomfortable but fully at peace - because I know I am doing what God has asked me to do. I was saying to a friend today, this journey is uncomfortable. That discomfort is the driving force that will get me to where I want to be.

Friday, February 18, 2011


His hand touched my face, awakening me as he stretched and relaxed against my frame. Instantly I was transported to a season in time when I would tuck his small head into my armpit and his toes would reach only to my waist. Now, 3 years later, clad in his favorite lime green and white "Buzz Lightyear" uniform jammies, his toes reach all the way to my knees.

I lay in bed listening to him breathe, soaking in his sweet presence knowing that if I give in to my aching bladder, he would not feel my warmth and would awaken, eager to join his brothers out in the living room for the "while mommy wakes up" cartoons. I lingered, smelling his golden head, watching his lips move like he was giving instructions even in his sleep. He slept in his own bed most of the night, but just like God designed us, he longed for the warmth of the presence of someone he loved.

My Dad is a Police and Fire Chaplain in South Seattle. He has taught me a lot about the "ministry of presence". He is really great at his job. Over seven years, he has earned the trust of those he serves just by being there. Consistently. He attends training nights, regularly rides along, gives wisdom and insight only when asked and otherwise is just there with them.

Talking with him in the course of his years of trauma scenes, death notifications, CPR in progress calls, etc, I asked him how he does his job, REALLY. I am a talker. I love to encourage and to support and to pray and to fill up space with words, on the paper or in the air...

Dad, he is not. He is present. He told me he sees his job is to bring Christ into whatever situation he is called to be in. He is very aware, because of his personal relationship with Jesus, and the presence of the Holy Spirit in him, wherever he goes, God is there. His ministry is presence. He is there. People's lives have been touched because my Dad shows up. His faithfulness, loyalty and reliability goes beyond his calling as chaplain, it is his character.

This morning, the activities of the day had to wait for a little bit longer, so my son could be in my presence. He came in to our room early this morning seeking it. When he found it, he rested in it. I need to do that with God. Seek Him out (it's not like I have to look far, He's always with me) and rest in His presence.

Now, sitting at my kitchen table, typing away, getting ready to clean the dish-full sink, make lunch, run some loads of laundry, and tuck my fella in for his nap, I am still resting. I will rest while I go about the daily things, paying attention to God's presence and the presence of the fellas that share my space. Like my Dad taught me to, by his example. I pray my boys will not only be able to work hard, but also to rest. They are watching me.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

D words

Discouragement, Delight, Despair, Dynamite, Delicious, Depressed, Disgusted, Distracted, Dynamic, Delivered, Denial, the list could keep going... but I will stop there.

I am struggling. I am not going to lie.

I also find myself pushing back at the negative D words with the positive ones. Will this past week go Down in our family history as the week we spent together Delightfully tucked into our comfy warm home recovering from the flu bug of the moment, or will it become another marker on my long line of Depressed events where I leaned on food instead of God?

I won't know until I reach the end of this week, but for today, I will pick Dynamic for my word, rolling with the challenges, accomplishing the necessary and the neglected tasks, Drinking my water, and loving on the ones who need me.