Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Uncomfortable (God in the Yard - Week 2 - Question 2)

I am currently reading a book called God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat and you can follow my journey more often on my 3boymomma blog, but this one specifically pertains to my pursuit of becoming healthy and fit so I am posting it here...

In the second week of my journey in the second section of questions I found this one:

"When I experience deep emotions that swing from one extreme to the other, I think this might mean..."

In the past it would have meant I was in desperate need of some deep inner healing... and maybe I do, but not in this season of my life.

I am going to answer this question as it relates to taking care of myself physically.

...I am charting new territory in my heart, body and mind and that is UNCOMFORTABLE!

Doing new stuff is hard. Parenting, changing the way I eat (and how my family eats too), adding intense focused exercise, and developing new habits of dealing with "stuff" pushes me out of the nest of my comfort zone. My first step may be in confidence and then, as I free-fall though the air of changing circumstances, eventually landing on my butt or nose, depending on the day, it HURTS! (yes, I know I don't always land in a painful place, but lately, that is how it seems.)

A few nights ago I drove away from the gym in pain. It took forever to find a parking place, so I almost gave up, then there were a million people there and I couldn't find an open piece of equipment, then when I did find one, my entire workout hurt (my hip to be specific). My whole body hurt by the time I was done. On my way back to the car I saw my full profile reflected in the glass on the wall. That image sealed the deal on the futility of my efforts these many months. I cried as I left the parking lot vowing I would never go back.

But, not to worry, I changed my mind within about 20 minutes, hearing my friend Tarri's voice in my head, "If it was easy, everyone would do it."

I said earlier I am charting new territory. I have to get past the "been there done that" mentality after my successful triathlon completion and push my body for more. To be Faster, Stronger, Leaner, Smarter, I must cover new ground and open myself up to more intense feelings of discomfort.

I have no doubt that the first "step" out of the nest for a bird, ready or not, is uncomfortable. That is how I feel. Change is uncomfortable. It can be exciting and rewarding, but it still different from what once was.

This question comes to mind, if I am comfortable - is there a reason to change? I don't think so.

Being in my current body is quite uncomfortable in many ways. When I look in the mirror I don't look like how I feel. I am me, but I am slowed by the burden of my weight and my muscles built with so much effort are buried in excess fat. My positive personality and zest for life are distorted by my appearance (to others) and make my passion for my Savior seem less credible with such obvious sin encasing my frame.

I am not going to lie. I am not far from that place I was last week. Tears are very close to the surface. I have spent way too many years being "comfortable" and the body I have now is the result. I need to become uncomfortable with the status quo and do something uncomfortable - jump out of my nest and become consistently uncomfortable but fully at peace - because I know I am doing what God has asked me to do. I was saying to a friend today, this journey is uncomfortable. That discomfort is the driving force that will get me to where I want to be.

1 comment:

  1. It is interesting how people in our lives and circumstances God gives us become part of that voice we sometimes hear and actually listen to even after all is said and done.. Seems to me that you have a kinder gentler internal voice in your head. Mine, (also as said by a caring friend) says....”Suck it up, cupcake!”