Many people keep calling me amazing and inspirational. I am not always sure what to do with that.
Sometimes knowing my efforts encourage people nudges me past discomfort to keep going. But this latest swimming challenge is the hardest thing I have ever done.
I have referred to swimming the mile as eating an elephant one bite at a time. Except a lot of the time, I am just not hungry! Or am I?
I want this. Don't get me wrong. I want to complete the mile swim for the Triathlon next week. I really do. I know I can do it. It's the time limit that is messing with my head.
Until now I have not really had a time limit for anything. The sprint triathlons I have finished have provided plenty of time for me to finish. They are designed for people like me to be able to complete them.
But, Olympic distance triathlons are not, I guess.
I knew it would be hard work and I knew it would be a big challenge for me. But, swimming one mile in 50 minutes is really messing with my head.
Part of it is that my Love has been training SO hard for it and my friend has too. I don't want to let them down. If I don't finish within the time allotted we are disqualified as a team. I know they both love me and won't hate me or anything, I just want them to be able to do their portion too. I want us all to complete this event together and enjoy the victory as a team.
Last night, in the water, I was battling my head again. Thoughts crowding in:
You can't do this!
What were you thinking?
WHY are you doing this, you won't make the time anyway?
You'll never be able to do it right.
I'm too tired!
This is too hard!
I don't want to!
THAT slows me down.
I battle my head occasionally when I am training but never like this. I know if I can win the battle in my head, I'd probably cut MINUTES off of my time. When I start to get anxious, I swim harder (not more efficiently) boosting my heart rate to the point where I have to stop and side-stroke to catch my breath. That slows me down. Thinking negatively will ALWAYS reduce efficiency - no matter what I am doing.
So, I am on a quest. I am praying, thinking and considering what I need to do to make this battle in my head stop. To conquer the negativity and focus on the completion of this GREAT but hard challenge.
I will push past hard, because I know I can. I just haven't figured out how to do it yet.