An Awesome Day!!

Awesome is such a wonderful word.

You can communicate so much with just that word...
The definition:

awe·some

–adjective

1

inspiring awe: an awesome sight.

2.

showing or characterized by awe.

3.

Slang . very impressive: That new white convertible is totally awesome.

---

Origin:
1590–1600; awe  + -some¹

—Related forms

awe·some·ly, adverb

awe·some·ness, noun

—Can be confused:  awful, awesome, offal (see usage note at awful).

—Usage note
See awful.

See! Even the dictionary understands  so here is my AWESOME, Awesome, awesome. day!


I put on jeans today I haven't worn in two years!

AWESOME!

I put healthy food in my body most of the day and felt really good about how the day was progressing!

AWEsome!

I wrestled my two year old at a Cross Country race for the school district (about 800ish people) and endured glares, kicks and screaming, aching arms, sore ears, sweaty, grumpy, etc for almost 2 hours.

awesome.

Then I took the gang to McDonalds for dinner though I was tempted to feed my little tantrum man crackers and water, he got nuggets instead. I ate a Quarter pounder with cheese and french fries and half a Sprite.

awesome.

After wrestling my little guy again in front of my friends at AWANA group at church and dropping off my big guys, I had to use a good portion of my weight to strap my little screamer kicking into his car seat AGAIN.

Awesome!

Then, I find myself in the Dairy Queen parking lot, contemplating a Peanut Buster Parfait. I buy it and eat it in front of said screaming 2 year old explaining that he has been too naughty for ice cream and mommy worked super hard today dealing with his grumpy attitude.

awesome.

So, the little temper-master throws another one in AWANA when it's time to pick up his brothers, my head is aching, my arms and back are tired from holding his kicking screaming self once again, and everyone is looking at me, at least sympathetically this time.

AweSome.

Finally, I get my grumpy angel into his jammies, little chompers brushed, and we rock together singing, "Jesus loves the little children, all the children of the world, red and yellow, black and white, they are precious in His sight, Jesus loves the little children of the world."

Awesome.

We pray, me first asking God to wash away the residue of the day, the grumpy looks from strangers, the crabbies from him and me, and we thank God for sleep and feeling better in the morning. Awesome!
I tuck my exhausted angel into bed, saying sleep good and Mommy loves you! and he says, love you Mommy.

AWEsome!

Big guys, my super star racers, memory verse learners, school lovers, they are tucked in too, after working out a small squabble over who knows what. Prayers said, songs sung, "I love you Lord, and I lift my voice, to worship You, Oh my soul, rejoice. Take Joy my King, in what You hear, may it be a sweet, sweet sound, in your ear." Good night boys! I love you! Good night Mom I love you... 

AWESOme!

Tomorrow is another day. A chance to start again, enjoying the precious ones I live with, loving the life I have, and celebrating the healthy life I am working and walking out, one day at a time.

AWESOME!!!

For God my Creator - Elohim

Let all of us declare the glory of Your name!

Your infinite design transcends all fame.

Unending creativity inspired Creation

How we celebrate Your astounding provision!

I’m revealing Your glory through

My thoughts, words and motions

My evident desire to display You

Completely in all my interactions.

I ask for Your Light to shine

Declaring to all that I am Thine

In this day and all that come

May all Your sovereign Will be done.

Your Will revealed declares my best

Within Your presence I choose to rest.

Not striving or in pursuit

But walking, thriving, believing, it.

I commit my all to You

Obeying your Word in what I do

Meditating, Your thoughts exchanged for mine

My flesh submits to being refined.

My purpose revealed each day I dance

Intertwined with You in divine romance.

Sweet Release

This past week has been a hard one. There have definitely been highlights, but overall, the constant head pain has been a perpetual drain on my mental and emotional energy.

This morning, after church there were the prayer teams up front as is our custom at New Life. I told my Love that I wanted to go get prayer and asked if he would join me. He agreed.

The women standing up front were two spiritual moms of mine. Each has led me, or walked with me, through different challenging seasons of my life in prayer, encouragement, and consistent support. I was so thankful to see them this morning.

My Love stood behind me with his hands on my shoulders, a stance he takes when I go up front for prayer. It is his tender place of authority over me and I find great comfort in it. The women anointed me with oil and prayed for me.

As I listened to their prayers for me there were words that brought a deep response within my heart.
Rest.
Trust.
Release control.
Release fear of headaches.(I once had the same headache every day for 4 years - I was concerned that was going to happen again - they didn't know this)
Release anxiety.
Tension be gone.
Fear be gone.
Supernatural exchange - God's power for my strength.
I could feel the Lord draining the stress from my body. When my Love leaves town I shoulder the responsibility for all of our home, family, activities, etc. I do this automatically. Without even thinking. These past few weeks when he has been traveling so much, the burden, instead of releasing upon his return, just stays because he is leaving again soon.

This morning, with these dear women, and my Love, enfolding me in their arms and hearts, I found release. I found His grace, His power, His healing.

They were speaking of heat in their hands, sensing His presence touching me. I felt only a slight heat, but the outpouring from my eyes and my body made it obvious I was releasing the anxiety and tension I had been stockpiling for weeks.

Then, a prayer for...

Breakthrough.

For the weeks following my triathlon I have been struggling with a fear of being stuck. That my body will always look this way, that I will always struggle with being an athlete in a fat body that doesn't look anything like the health that resides within me.

Today when they prayed, they saw a brick wall. I told them about my fear of being stuck. I told them I know it is not Truth but I haven't been able to shake it. Or pray through it, or get past it.

They prayed and we asked God to demolish the wall and that the crushing of the wall would bring about the fragrance of Christ, as surely as when one crushes flower petals their scent is released even more. I saw, in my mind's eye, the wall demolished with a wrecking ball. There was a path where the ball struck that went all the way to the ground. The bottom bricks of the wall on either side of the path were all that was left of the wall itself. I asked the Lord about those and believe He told me that I might trip on them if I don't walk the path He has laid before me. But if I stick on the path, my stride will not be interrupted.

The word DEMOLISH is a strong one. It leaves no question in what it means. Neither does this passage:
"³For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. ⁴The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. ⁵We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Wikipedia says "A stronghold is a strongly fortified defensive structure."

There are many "strongholds" in my heart and mind that I have demolished in this season of my life. The pursuit of health and wellness has brought about all kinds of  healing as the bricks turn to rubble as I choose to go in a new direction.

The thing is, there is always something new God wants us to release to Him. Once we demolish one stronghold, another place where we have put up our defenses reveals itself. He doesn't make us demolish them all at once because He knows about process. He knows what we need to learn, when we need to learn it and how long each demolition will take.

So, as the residue of my tension fades in the quiet ache remaining in my head, I know that the full healing comes as I continue to REST, TRUST, exchange my strength for His power, and release the tension/anxiety to Him.

This has become quite long, so I will continue some more on this topic in another post tomorrow. Thanks for your prayers!

Thankful! - This is VERY intense... just warning you...

How often we compare our lives to the lives of those around us!

It really is kind of a habit we just get used to. I see my sons comparing themselves, what they have or don't have already at the ripe old ages of 5 & 6. It seems I am constantly talking with them about being grateful. I guess it can't ever be said or taught enough. Certainly when the culture is filled with "you need... you should... if only you had..."

I have felt that way lots. I have fallen prey to the marketing, the unspoken suggestions, the bold face merchandising that minimizes who you are only to maximize their profits.

I had a rather troubling experience happen just after my miscarriage about 3 1/2 years ago. One month to the day after I had lost the baby I heard one of those hideous news stories about a baby found in a trash bag outside an apartment building. There was a fire station (a drop off point for babies where "no questions are asked") just down the street.

I was enraged. How could the kind, loving, promise fulfilling (based on God's promise to me I would have a baby) God make me give up a baby and then give a baby to a Mom who would literally dump it in the garbage!! Crushed and angry I cried hard while my Love tried to console me. I was so mad at God for allowing that! But, as I do, out of habit and the knowledge of who He really is - GOD, I took it to Him in prayer.

It wasn't one of those polite, "Dear Lord, please..." prayers. It was more like "WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE YOU DOING??? HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME GO THROUGH MY BABY DYING WHEN I WANTED HER SO BADLY AND GIVE THAT HORRIBLE WOMAN A BABY THAT SHE PUT IN THE GARBAGE!!!"

He, like He does with me (and many others I have talked to about such things) whispered into my spirit, "I know you don't understand. I love you. You know I weep with you over your baby and the one that his mother chose to dump. I know what lies ahead for you. I know what lies ahead for her. Trust Me with My plan for your life, even when it hurts. Even when you are angry. I promise I am in control. Do not judge her or me by the sin of this world. I am working out a different plan in her life. I was there. I held that baby. He is with Me. I hold your baby too. She is with Me. Do not try to fathom the sin of the world and how My plans and My blessings will unfold. Just be who you are, trust Me and I will be who I AM." 

I know that is not word for word, but as I felt led to write this I asked Him to refresh what He told me that night.

My point in sharing this is: We have NO idea what He is working out in our lives or in the lives of those around us. That is why He tells us in scripture not to judge others. We don't have any way of knowing His plan for our lives, let alone His plan for theirs.

This is why we must be THANKFUL. The path God is asking us to walk, one day at a time is unique to us. Our path will never be the same as another, even our spouse.

I am thankful for our baby girl in Heaven. My sons asked me just the other day if she was still a baby or if she was growing up in Heaven. I told them I have no idea. We will find out when we get there. They miss her too. She would have been three this month (her due date was the day I ran my triathlon). I am thankful for the short time I held her in my womb. I love that I will see her again someday. I praise God for letting me know He holds her since I cannot.

I am also very thankful for the guys I share my life with. My three sons and my Love are true gifts and I wouldn't trade my third son for anything or anyone.

Being thankful for what we have been given, hard times and all takes practice, discipline, and focus. We must practice thanking God, thanking others, and being thankful for all we have been given. We must be disciplined to be thankful when the circumstances around us are awful, finding the small joys even in the midst of great pain. And we must focus on being thankful when we seem to have huge needs that threaten to overtake us, choosing to see the blessings that exist already.

Even as I continue to battle my old habits, create new ones and reinforce good ones I have to remain thankful for all of it. It is not my place to compare another life with mine. It is my place to see and use what I have been given. I can move. I can cook my own meals. I have money for groceries. I can teach my sons how to take good care of their bodies to name just a few... There is A LOT to be thankful for, even when it is a hard day. 

Praising the Lord, putting my headache to bed, and praying you received what God had for you out of this INTENSE bit of writing.
God bless you!

State of Mind...

Clint Black is one of my most favorite Country Western stars. I even liked him on the Apprentice!
I fell in love with him and his music twenty years ago, working at my first job ever at the local feed store in the town I grew up in. The handsome cowboys, the wrangler jeans, the assorted country music tunes floating through the dust and fragrance of hay, sweet feed, and shavings. To this day, that season of my life remains a treasured time.

Today, when I went downstairs to workout while my youngest napped (he was sick - so no going to the gym today) I found the only music in the downstairs cd player was Clint Black's Greatest Hits. Now, this is the first time I have worked out, yes, this whole time, without a background of Christian music. But, as I prayed, I felt led to just listen, workout, even dance a bit and listen. Listen to the memories. Listen to the sound of his voice and the feelings that well up from my soul of days gone by...
This song came on, seriously one of my all time favorites - EVER:
Here is a link to the video -
State of Mind video

State of Mind by Clint Black
Got a big leather suitcase, all I own's inside
Seems I've been walkin' for days, can't even bum a ride
Try steppin' to a tune, with the rhythm of a walkin' man
Mind drifts like a big balloon out of my situation at hand

Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory
Take you to another place in time
Completely change your state of mind

Walkin' down a lonely highway not feelin' alone
Thinkin' back when things went my way and not the road I'm on
Well, I've been down a time or two, but it never lasts long
I can always make it through on a wing and a prayer and a song

Ain't it funny how a melody can bring back a memory
Take you to another place in time
Completely change your state of mind

It can make a right from a wrong, it can make you fall in love
It can get you singin' along

Chase the clouds away and make the sun shine above
A melody can bring back a memory
Take you to another place in time
Completely change your state of mind

A melody can bring back a memory
Take you to another place in time
Completely change your state of mind

I love that! That is what God did for me today. A fun tune from my past drew me back to a place I loved and a season of joy and peace in my life.

As I was exercising and listening to this song today I was so thankful for that season and so grateful for the one I am in now. I don't have a clear vision of where I am headed physically on this path to health and wellness, I just know I am not alone in it and God is providing for me, treasured memories to remind me of the wonderful places I've been and what is yet to come.

I am headed to bed now, looking forward to what He has planned for tomorrow. Treasuring the memories and knowing that the best is yet to come!
I Believe it!

The Process of Life...

This picture is of my Love and I before the wonderful wedding we attended yesterday.

Someone asked me if it is hard not to "create my own reality" writing my blog. I told her no, I prayerfully consider what I write and do my best to be as real as possible.

SO - in the spirit of reality I share the following:

• This morning I woke up dreading my Love's departure later this afternoon. I switched laundry, tossed some on the couch downstairs (it's still there by the way), and got in the shower. 
• I wanted him to feed the kids but when he did, I interrupted and he was annoyed. 
• We were almost 30min late to church because I had to apologize and we had to work out our various grievances 
• Then we were asked to serve communion after a well-preached message on forgiveness. Whew! So glad we worked out our junk BEFORE we got to church! 
• He helped me load everyone up and he headed off to the airport and I took the troops home. 
• My oldest wished for a bow and arrow to fight the enemy. I told him he really needed the sword of the spirit and memorizing his Bible verses will make him a powerful warrior. He believed me. I am thankful. NOTE to SELF - FOCUS on scripture memory, for them and for me!!
• I think I had a turkey burger with cheese on sourdough bread for lunch. The kids had pasta and milk. 
• We ALL took a nice long nap.
• I was crabby, dreading the week ahead without my Love.
• There were several opportunities for me to respond with significant correction to my sons and instead I yelled or blew it off. NOTE to SELF - DO NOT make a habit of that... it will not go well in the long run!
• I apologized. In front of them, first to God and then to them. They all forgave me. Again.
• I rocked, prayed for and sang with my youngest and tucked him in. Refusing him his 3rd drink and telling him there would be trouble if he threw a fit. He chose wisely.
• I read the "real" Bible without pictures per my oldest son's request. We read about Nicodemus in John 3. They liked that their AWANA verse (3:16) was in the "real" Bible. Well, I suppose eventually they will make the connection - NOTE to SELF - SHOW them in the "real" Bible where their AWANA verses come from!
•  After tucking the boys in bed I decided I needed something yummy. I proceeded to cook black beans from scratch (starting with dry beans) and then make it into turkey chili. Yummy, except I burnt it. Not so yummy on the bottom... bummer.
• Then I decided I needed something yummier :) Yes, I am sure that is a word since there is no squiggly red line under it. I made myself chocolate frosting from scratch. Only to find there was NOTHING (because I have been so careful to keep junk out of my house) to put it on! I settled for a bag of pretzels and swiped them through the frosting. That and a big glass of milk finished me off. 
• After some guilt ridden feelings I console myself with the fact that I am in process. Every day. My goal to be healthy and fit is going to last for the rest of my life. For every unhealthy food choice I make, I am making at least 3 healthy ones...
• My kitchen looks like it exploded and now I am going to go to bed. After I put the homemade turkey and black bean chili in the fridge!

So there you have it. My life in process. Some good stuff, some not so good stuff, but all a part of the process.
Sweet dreams!

Enchanted Evening...

I follow a blog/website called Adding Zest to Your Nest and it has given me great tips, pointers, and insightful information from godly women about the marriage relationship. But we didn't need any extra help tonight! I encourage you to check it out some time. It will likely bless you!

On the way to a dear friend's wedding tonight I announced to my Love that my love tank was full (old Gary Chapman analogy from The Five Love Languages) and I was happy. I warned him to be careful not to pull the plug... we both laughed.

We enjoyed watching the bride and groom exchange their vows amongst their friends and family. Their tenderness for each other, the blessing of their parents, and the wise words of their Pastor refreshed our memory of our own precious day, now almost 19 years ago.

Then we headed to the reception. Good friends, old friends, visiting, laughing, a couple of drinks, more laughing, celebrating, sweet toasts, jokes and memories told, and then dancing! We danced and danced and laughed at how awkward we felt but didn't care! We bounced around enjoying the other dancers, some we knew and some we didn't. It was, the only word I can think of, exhilarating. So amazing to be uninhibited by what others might think of me. I even was told by a good friend how beautiful I looked - and I BELIEVED her!

This is the new Jennifer - I know I am not perfect or even where I want to be physically, but I want to LOVE every moment right NOW. There is no reason to hold back. REALLY. Why? What time should I waste wondering or worrying about others perception of who I am instead of living who I KNOW I am???

Wow. I hope that revelation sticks... It's a good one. I believe it will - It is God's heart for me. I am sure.