This time last year...

I have been pondering how much has changed since then.

September 2009 found me sending off my oldest son to Kindergarten, having 2 little guys still at home and calling on my Mom to come and watch all 3 while I went out of town to the MOPS Convention in Nashville. I had an amazing time. God fed me in the training, the encouragement, and most specifically the confirmation that I was to bring a MOPS group to New Life for working and single moms. It was a wonderful time of celebration and savoring a new vision for the coming years.

During my time in Nashville I had an evening out with a woman I knew from years past. We had connected a bit on Facebook, but since I was going to be in the area, she packed up her four kids and came and took me out to dinner. We had a wonderful dinner at Rainforest Cafe and really precious deep heart conversations. Several times we both broke into tears of empathy, gratitude for God's bringing us together, and laughter. That long weekend in September was a turning point in my life.

My friend and I continued to talk occasionally, but when October rolled around and I looked at this picture of me, I knew SOMETHING had to be done. I felt alive, beautiful and full of joy the day this picture was taken, until I LOOKED at it.

It is actually a pretty great picture of our family if it weren't for my Love's head being cut off and me unable to look past the shape of my body to the joyful smiles of my family.

So, I called my friend in Tennessee (yes, I have other friends closer but she was the one I felt led to call), who, by the way is a health and fitness focus person. She jumped online and sent me two books to get me started. They were a great help and so was her telephone and email coaching. I cried a lot. I felt embarrassed a lot. I felt like everyone in the gym was staring at me. I felt like I was trying to remove my fat, one cell at a time. It was REALLY hard the first few months. I had almost forgotten how hard it was...

UNTIL TODAY.

I told you yesterday about my being nervous about going into the weight room. Well, it was worse, I didn't even REMEMBER to be nervous about what it feels like to start a new workout routine!

I did my warm up confidently. I walked back to the back corner of the upper level which is often pretty quiet and opened my book with the exercises in it. ALL NEW ONES! Ugh! I had read through them 2 or 3 times before but that didn't make DOING them any easier.

I felt awkward and unsure of myself. Some of them hurt and so I stopped. Others I could do and felt the fresh burn of carving new muscle out of puny flesh. When you work out for even a short time you quickly discover the difference between "good pain" and "bad pain". I experienced BOTH today. I didn't hurt myself but I was terribly self conscious of my body, my movement, and the people around me (who of course could care less what I was doing!).

Once I got through the ones I could figure out, I headed downstairs to the weight room. I walked around a bit, trying to figure out what piece of equipment resembled what I was supposed to use according to the book. I finally found it and there were 3 men in 4 spaces using it.

I walked out of there. I chickened out, whispering a prayer asking God to forgive me and knowing I would have to confess to all of you that I bailed on my workout today. He told me to just wait. So I did. I talked with the trainer I know and he brought me back into the weight room and showed me how to use the equipment I needed. He also adjusted some of the exercises I was trying to do and made them more "do-able" for me. I was so grateful! God knew I needed help and provided just the encourager and coach I needed. Again!

As I continue to reflect on the sedentary but content me from a year ago to the active, energized, NEW me today I find myself at a loss. Yes, I am serious.

Because, like I said at the beginning, I am doing something new AGAIN. I forgot how hard it is to chart new territory. A few months ago I wrote a blog about a painful workout. Again today I was in pain. Charting new territory emotionally, mentally, and physically.

Funny thing though, not once did I consider not going back and doing that workout again. I will be there. Monday morning. Working out. Pushing through the good kind of pain, letting go of the anxiety of transition and reaching out for the new places God has put ahead of me.

The verse that has resonated in my spirit during this season of incredibly slow weight loss, not hardly any changes in clothing sizes or fit, and barley a noticed change in the mirror is this one:

Habakkuk 3:17-19
¹⁷ Though the fig tree does not bud
       and there are no grapes on the vines,
       though the olive crop fails
       and the fields produce no food,
       though there are no sheep in the pen
       and no cattle in the stalls,
 ¹⁸ yet I will rejoice in the LORD,
       I will be joyful in God my Savior.
 ¹⁹ The Sovereign LORD is my strength;
       he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
       he enables me to go on the heights.

It translates to me this way:

Regardless of the outward evidence I see of my inward transformation,
no matter what size I continue to wear,
Despite the fact that I expected to have changed more by now,

I rejoice in the LORD, my joy is in God my Savior,
HE is my strength
HE makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
HE enables me to go on to the heights - the path HE purposed for me.

You see, it doesn't matter what the evidence is - according to my eyes. What matters is my heart obeying Him. Walking the path He has laid before me. Yes, there are a few changes, and I have lost 25lbs. I do look a little different

I press on and keep at it, because I KNOW He has called me to this, He is equipping me for this, I am walking this out, one step at a time. For Him alone.

A new season is just uncharted territory waiting to be discovered. Awesome!

Sore Thighs and Muscle Memory... how far does muscle memory go back?

Yeah, I am REALLY sore today.

It hurts to sit down, it hurts to stand up. It hurts to twist, it hurts to bend.
You get the picture.

But, that means, my body still works. Do my muscles remember? I remember feeling like this before!

Muscle memory is a powerful thing and I am counting on it. I spent six months working on strength training before I switched to my triathlon training. I have missed it. Yes, really.

I really like feeling my body work hard, the ache in my muscles after a hard workout, the knowledge that I am continuing to burn calories for a full 24 hours after I workout. I love the strength being created in me.

After the first 2 weeks of major aches and pains, the transition to the "powerhouse" feeling instead of the wimp pushing through sore parts to just get through the workout.

Tomorrow though, that will be different... REALLY different.
I have to go into the weight room. Yes, the space reserved for testosterone laden sweat junkies who think that after bench pressing each others body weight for a few hours they will posses super human strength or at least super powers over the opposite sex.

An overweight mother of 3 is not likely to find a workout buddy there, BUT, it is the Kroc center and I have yet to meet anyone who has been rude. Mostly friendly folks with a decent number of people who don't even see me. The above concept of the "weight room" is just a guess, since I haven't been in a real weight room since I was in High School weight training class, which incidentally, I LOVED.

Do my muscles remember back that far? I have no idea. I guess I will find out tomorrow. Or after 2 weeks it won't even matter, I will be back to feeling like a powerhouse and ready to work hard to see some big changes in my body.

Time will tell!

My First Workout

Right now I am totally exhausted.

But earlier today, I had a wonderful workout. Every moment I felt my body coming back to life. It was such a great experience!

That is really all I've got tonight. I am just SO super tired.

Hoping to sleep well tonight. Hoping all my guys sleep tonight.

Will let you know...

To Goal or not to Goal... and no, I am not taking up soccer... yet.

I have set up goals for myself. I have reached them.

Tonight however, I am falling short of the goal post. I am very tired, I did not plan ahead, I let myself get too hungry and then -- WHAMMO! Blew my calorie counting out the window. I don't even want to journal it to see how far off target I went.

Yes, for all of you who think I am some super inspirational hero... I ate TOO much today.

And - I am TOO tired to feel guilty about it.

But, just for fun, I will share with you what my goals REALLY are and maybe you will feel led to pray me through them.

The sarcastic voice in my head that is NOT the voice of God says, "It takes a village to raise a child, but it takes a huge network of prayer warriors and friends for Jennifer to lose weight!" Ick.

That makes me feel yucky.

But, SO WHAT!? What if it does take a whole slew of prayer warriors, intercessors, friends, and family to get me to the place God has for me to be physically?

Would we as the Body of Christ think my need was any less necessary to pray over than someone battling cancer, a drug addiction, or a bad marriage, is my weight issue and the stuff tied to it any less relevant?

I don't know.

One thing I do know, it isn't to God. And if He calls you to pray for me, I am grateful.

I have not made it this far on my own power and I won't make it to a healthy, physically fit, athletic lifestyle from here without His help. And yours too if you feel led.

No, I don't really want you reminding me I should not eat this or that, but just pray. The old Jenn is long gone but this new one feels a little out of place. Sounds strange maybe, but that is how I feel - strange.

Here are my goals for this week:


Exercise: Workout on Monday, Wednesday, Friday at the gym.  30 minutes of weights/30 minutes of cardio alternating bike/run/swim Bonus activity on weekend Set out gear the night before workouts.
Nutrition: Log food daily Hit calorie targets of 1600-1700 calories per day Eat starchy carbs in the morning and after workouts. Eat vegetable and fruit carbs in the latter part of the day: 2 fruits and 3 vegetables. Stay off processed foods; stick to brown rice. Hit protein goal daily: around 101 grams

So, there you have it, my actual goals. The exercise part will be an 8 week focus. The nutrition focus is week to week.

I hope this hasn't been TOO revealing... of course, what I have just shared compared to the pictures I posted of my triathlon is probably nothing!

Blessings and THANK YOU!

Inspiring People that Inspire Me? Is that even possible?

I wrote a note today to a woman who I have referred to many times. Her book The Female Body Breakthrough was the first fitness book I ever read that made me believe I could really become, to use her words a "Fit Female". Her Credo is taped to my kitchen cabinet, so I can read it when I empty the dishwasher. Or when I need a reminder of how to BE a Fit Female.

Rachel Cosgrove really made me believe I could become the athlete I always wanted to be and believe I was designed to be. She posted something on her blog tonight that really got my attention. SHE has been through some personal physical struggles. Yes, I did know she was human, and yes, she is consistently transparent in her writing and her speaking, but the way this blog was written, it stirred something in me.

We all LIVE. Our lives are hard, easy, challenging, sad, crazy, fast, slow, boring, routine, exciting, and any number of things. But we all LIVE, no matter how famous we are.

It is how we CHOOSE to LIVE that makes us inspiring or not, I think.

I didn't set out to write this blog so I could inspire anyone. I wrote it because, one of the points in the Fit Female Credo is to journal. I have written in a journal most of my life, but this time, I knew it had to be different, I needed to be more public to really make me honestly look at all the pieces of the puzzle of me.

So, I wrote her what I hope will be an encouraging note. It felt odd, encouraging someone who is a best selling author, an internationally known fitness expert and coach to many other fitness experts, but I did it.

I pray it is a blessing. She has blessed me and I am so thankful for her.

There are many of you who say I inspire you. It continues to be quite humbling, because several of you are actually athletes yourselves. Some of you know it, many of you will find your inner athlete, and some of you reading this now, will wonder, can I be a fit female too?

The answer -- YES!!

Angels in Spandex, or Lycra, or polyester...

Never underestimate the power of your words.

There were many men and women who blessed me with kind words throughout my race.

How many people are you blessing with your words?

I am more aware of my appearance, my physical fitness, my mental endurance and my emotional capacities since my race last week. I am also more aware of my words to my husband, sons, other family and my friends.

We all know words are powerful, but do we really take very long to consider what comes out of our mouths - consistently?

I was listening to friends talk not to long ago about a mutual acquaintance who was having some life struggles. The friends are good people and well meaning in their concerns but the words were not speaking life into the situation.

It reminded me that no matter what I talk about, who or what I am discussing, I need to speak life and blessing. Even into hard situations that I don't understand.

Those men and women who passed me, fit tight bodies wrapped in the most efficient athletic apparel were angels to me. They spoke life into me, a total stranger, as I was working hard to live my dream. I have no idea what their spiritual background was or what their motivation was to call out to me, "great job", "keep up your efforts", "you can do it", "don't give up", etc. but their words of life gave me what I needed to finish my race strong, just as I wanted to.

Are you speaking life to the people around you? The checker at the grocery store, the little person who is sleeping in the next room, the person you sleep next to, the person who sat beside you in church this morning, the friend who has been living in a personal crisis?

There are so many people you and I see every day. We have no idea what they need to hear, but God knows. Listen for His prompting about what to say, and if you find yourself in a group of people discussing someone struggling for prayer purposes or otherwise, don't get suckered into negativity or unfair assessments, but speak life.

Speak words of blessing and encouragement into the situation. Express HOPE for the situation. YOU can change the direction of the conversation or even someone's journey by your words. Don't underestimate the blessing of "The right word at the right time is like a custom-made piece of jewelry" (Proverbs 25:11-The Message).

God created this world with His words. He gave us His Word - "Words kill, words give life; they're either poison or fruit—you choose." (Proverbs 18:21-The Message).

Let's use what He has given us wisely. Please. He loves all of us. Let us love others as He has loved us, and let's start with the way we use our words.

You too might be an angel - in denim, spandex, cotton, lycra, or polyester to someone just like me!

Gearing up and unwinding -- AT THE SAME TIME???

Today is a cloudy family day at home.

I have baked my last loaves of WHITE bread for a while, grilled hamburgers for lunch, cleaned my kitchen, scrubbed our bathroom, read to my sons, showered, watched my Love wash all the windows and keep the laundry going, and tucked my youngest in for his afternoon nap.

I also still need to do: get the ribs in the oven roasting, empty the dishwasher and reload, find something I don't find ridiculously expensive to order for the kids (one item each) PTA fundraiser (NO, I will not be ordering the cookie dough!), decide what books to order through the school book club (one of my FAVORITE things to do!), hang up the chore charts for the big boys and remind them how they work, and get the meat I picked up on sale yesterday cooked, bagged and in the freezer.

I feel so at ease, relaxed in my sweats, nothing to prepare for today except next week... no biggie right?

Next week begins my new workout program, clean eating (as in - NO JUNK FOOD - you know what that stuff is... I know you do...;), cross country practice at 8am for the boys, AWANA, my Tuesday am Bible Study Lord, I Want to Know You by Kay Arthur, and our Financial Peace University group.

It also begins a new season of my journey towards healthy living.

I will keep you posted on how it is going... daily ... as often as possible.