Ironman 2016 Part 1

WHAT?!
Yes, I said it, I threw it down like a promise and a threat.

I have spent months praying about whether or not this is a commitment I should make to myself or not. Should I tell anyone or not? I finally told my Love and my health coach.

A part of my weight loss process was to write a "Success Vision" - what happens when I reach my goals, what does my life look like when that happens. Here is what I wrote:

My success vision:

It was three weeks ago today that I stepped on the scale and saw the number I worked so hard for. The size clothes in my closet remind me it is true. When I look back I remember some of the pain of it all, but I mostly remember the blessing of the journey.

I let go of half of my body weight. It is strange to look in the mirror and barely remember what the other girl looked like. I never want to forget her. She is the one who worked so hard to get me to where I am today.

I have spent the last year working my body very hard. My heart and mind had to quit making excuses, reminding me that I was strong enough to finish this race. Along the way I was sure I’d never make it, but I kept practicing, improving my skills with consistent disciplined thinking and actions.

Six months from now I am scheduled to have the breast reduction surgery I have been waiting for since puberty! I am so excited to get these girls reigned in once and for all!

I enjoy stretching my cooking skills and navigating new cookbooks only to concoct my own amazing recipes. It always makes me smile when my “healthy” food is gone before Aunt Bessie’s fried chicken at the church potluck!

******

I raced my sons at the track today. They still think they can beat me, but at least for a few more years (before their legs are longer than mine!) I am faster. It cracks me up that the girl who said she would only run if chased is now the elementary school cross-country coach. Whodah thunk?

I am so thankful to finally have completed my teaching degree. The skills I learned while losing this weight really made a difference in my self-confidence in my practical application of the teaching credential and my study techniques. It is amazing how, once you have conquered one big thing in your life, you suddenly believe that anything is possible. Even graduating from college with kids in elementary school! (I have since decided this will wait until after Ironman- too much to do it at the same time)

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Next month I will compete in my first Ironman. I have no doubt that as I swim, bike, and run I will recall all the miles it took to get me here. I look forward to my 45^th birthday in a few days and know that this journey, though incredibly uncomfortable, was worth every second of effort. 

As you can see I have thought this through... now to walk it out, every day. One meal, one swim, bike, run, workout at a time.

Digging Deeper...

Today I spoke with my Health Coach Michelle (a service through my health insurance company). Once a week we discuss what I have been doing to reach my goals of healthy lifestyle and weight loss.

This week the conversation was a little hard to take. She and I have been talking weekly for seven months. She has been a consistent voice of encouragement, wisdom and challenge. But today was different.

Today she told me she thought I was settling for less than the best. I need to dig deeper to accomplish the results I really want. She said she felt I wasn't reaching my weight loss goals, not because I didn't have the right tools, but because I am not working hard enough consistently with them.

She is right.

I knew it when the tears popped from my eyes and my heart heard the truth in her words. She likened it to a person who didn't want to get hurt again in a relationship. I cried some more, not deep sobs of agony, just tears of a well aimed wisdom-arrow hitting the target of truth.

So, today, not a week from now, not tomorrow, I am digging deeper. Every rationalization for eating the things that don't bless my body has to go... every consideration of how far I've come and how "proud" I should be of myself for the changes I already have made, that is not enough.

I have to get more uncomfortable. Dig deeper within the resources God gave me to press in for the tangible evidence of all the hard work - weight loss. I have a healthy, slim, fit woman locked inside this body and she wants OUT! It is time to do what it takes to release her.

I know what it looks like to Dig Deep. I have experienced it before. I know I can do it. It is very uncomfortable in the transition, but worth the effort.

Her synopsis of our conversation (she emails me after our talks) included the following sentence, "You are so disciplined, full of heart and you are ready for the next level."

She is right! 

I will keep you posted on my progress. After all, this is what "Prism Progress" is all about! NOT Prism Maintenance or Prism Status Quo or Prism Retreat!!

The Spring Dash Baby!!

The contrast between this year's Spring Dash and last year's was quite obvious.

Last year:

• I had only been exercising consistently for 6 months
• I cried most of the walk, a combination of watching others pass me by (of all ages), knowing it was the first of MANY events I would complete - breaking down my sedentary past and marching ahead to my athletic future!
• I walked the entire time.
• I had blisters the size of quarters on each foot!
• I completed the race in 1hr 39minutes.
• I ranked 79 of 80 in my age group. 1224 overall.

This year:

• I have completed a Sprint triathlon
• I have exercised consistently for 18mos.
• I ran alongside or chased (she kept a few steps ahead of me to increase my pace a bit :)) my beloved friend Michele.
• It didn't even occur to me to cry - I was so excited to see what I could do!
• I ran ALMOST the entire time. I did run faster than my regular pace which made my chest start to hurt like what happened when I started training faster  so I had to walk for about 10 minutes. But, once I felt better, I ran the rest of the race, finishing as fast as I could at the final stretch.
• NO Blisters!!
• I completed the race in 1hr 18minutes.
• I ranked 51 of 71 in my age group and 802 overall.

I had a great time. Several dear friends were there to cheer me on and run/walk the race themselves. It wasn't "fun" exactly, but it was good hard work and I did my very best to push as hard as I could for the best result possible.

Some things I thought would change that haven't...
I still had to order a 2x t-shirt.

I have changed some of my thinking and I will share it for your amusement :
As a part of diligently controlling my thought life so I can fully embrace who I am right now and love where I am at (weight and shape specifically) I have started adding "Barbie" to the end of my attire for the day...
Spring Dash day I was "Running Barbie"
Swimming days I am "Swimming Barbie"
Weight Lifting days I am "Workout Barbie"

You get the picture. It always makes me chuckle and keeps my mind on the end result of my efforts (NO I am not striving to look EXACTLY like Barbie! Yes, I am familiar with the fact she is inaccurately proportioned;).
I want to love being me - Now. Just like I stated in my blog about body image .

I look forward to what the rest of this year holds - at least 1 Sprint triathlon, a team triathlon with my Love and a great friend, and maybe one more event, we will see...

God in the Yard Week 5 Sabbath on a Page & Body Image

I love this quote/prompt from God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat :

"Let your mind turn to things that make you afraid, jealous, or irritable because they are strange keys to eventual gratitude - be honest, not nice. It will take you farther."

So I shall! This is a little raw, so if you are easily offended, you may want to pass on reading further.

I will start with AFRAID
I remain afraid that my body will never change. That I will never become the healthy fit woman I want to be. How long will I have to face this internal panic alarm that sounds when I don't go to the gym? How long will I allow my exhaustion to rule my eating habits and the numbing out with the TV - to cope with all the stuff I'm too tired to deal with?

JEALOUS
Seriously jealous of anyone who has forty pounds or less to lose. I don't want to hear you complain about your body either. DECIDE to feel good in your skin, no matter your size! That is how I am learning to live and I have over 100 lbs to lose!

IRRITABLE
I find myself irritable with people who don't appreciate what they have. Regarding body image specifically here, I have to work TWICE as hard for TWICE as long to get any changes to show (because of my hormonal/physiological function). Can you PLEASE quit crabbing about the few cellulite dimples on your thighs? REALLY would you LOOK in the mirror? DECIDE your life is too precious to waste fretting over your physical imperfections and EMBRACE ALL of who you are TODAY - not who you will be minus 5, 10, 30, 75 lbs. PLEASE!

GRATITUDE part :
Thank you Lord for all I am learning about myself on this journey. The fear, the jealousy, the irritation expose places in ME that need Your healing, my actions and Your Grace. I want ALL You have for me, the WHOLE blessing of working and walking it out for Your glory, not my own. The changes You are making in me are about the journey NOT the destination.

God in the Yard - Week 5 Part 2 - Why I am comfortable expressing my feelings and problems

"I feel comfortable expressing my feelings and problems openly because..."

I am not defined by my problems. My challenges, even the internal ones do not make me who I am. They are only a part of me in the process of facing them and walking through them one day at a time.

Maintaining the perspective it is not "about me" makes these easier to share. My victories aren't any more "about me" than my defeats. My wounds, scars, processes all are for the purpose of glorifying God. When I hold back in fear of being judged when He is asking me to share, I rob Him of the glory He deserves.

When I fail in a big way and I am open about it, without fear of judgement, He is glorified as One who gives Grace, Who is capable of infinite Love and Strength when I am weak. Paul states this quite clearly in one of my favorite verses  "But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me". (2 Corinthians 12:9) When God gives me revelation on why I failed or where the root is in my weakness, who am I to hold back and keep it only for myself? If another can find victory from my weaknesses exposed, then I want that for them, because again, it's not "about me".

The flow of giving and receiving can be hindered if I hold back out of self-protection instead of allowing Him to be my protector and my vindicator. Like Isaiah says in chapter 54 verse 17, ^"No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the LORD.

Now, to be clear, I am not saying EVERYTHING should be shared ALL the time. If others are involved I seek permission share their aspect of the issue and I try to use discernment about who/what/when I share - ALWAYS.

When He gives me insight in my strengths or in my weaknesses, it is always a gift. He is building my faith, strengthening my spirit and affirming His love for me. He has called me to share these insights with others because inviting them into my trials can bring encouragement to us both and God often has healing for them as well.

Ultimately, since it is not "about me" I am free from my need to make sure someone doesn't think poorly of me or judge me. When my eyes are on Him, my ear is listening for His heartbeat, and I wait on Him for revelation in my challenges and circumstances it doesn't just bless me, it usually blesses others too!

The "Heart" of an Athlete

Since my last blog was two weeks ago, I probably should confess a few things…

I am working out every single day I can. I am training for the Spring Dash, a local 5 mile race on April 17. I decided to run it this year after walking the whole way last year.

I have been training pretty hard for it, because despite my knowledge that I can finish it, I really want to run it.

Now, to clarify how I define running…

Right now I can run pretty steady at 4mph for at least a mile. That was my pace at the triathlon last September. The funny thing about that is, when my friend “Iron Tony” was helping finish my training before my race, he was walking beside me while I ran!

I see the other folks at the gym running 6mph or faster, and I assume that when you aren’t lugging my kind of weight with you, that is how fast you can actually run.

I decided that I want to increase my speed, so with the help of my fitness coach, encouragement from a few friends, I decided to up my speed. Carefully. Or so I thought.

This is where it gets interesting.

The canned response for almost anyone encouraging anyone to do anything is “Of course you can do it!” but you have to take in to consideration your audience. Most people are reasonable and stop when they know they are supposed to. I didn’t.

Last Friday, after being cooped up in the house for 3 days with sick kids AGAIN, I finally made it to the Kroc for a good hard workout. I needed it. I needed the endorphins and the pent up mommy frustrations to be pounded out on the treadmill and in my strength training routine.

My goal – Walk 5 minutes at 3mph, which for me is a pretty good pace, stop and stretch a bit, then run for 3 minutes at 4.5mph, walk a minute, 3 min run for 5 sets of 3 minute runs. It doesn’t seem unreasonable does it? I didn’t think so.

I am running along the first set staying relaxed, keeping my breathing even, and keeping an eye on my heart rate on the machine (I do not have a heart monitor). I ran my second and third set pushing harder as my heart rate continued to climb and I was having to really focus on my breathing. During my fourth set I noticed my hands were starting to tingle a bit, I grabbed the monitor bar on the treadmill and my heart rate was higher than I have seen it before. I walked for my minute and considered if I should push for the last set.

I decided I have spent 3 minutes of time wastefully and ridiculously in the past, why not push a little harder and finish my goal. I didn’t want to get all caught up in my head thinking I couldn’t do it when I was pretty sure I could. It’s just one foot in front of the other right?

As I started that 5^th set, I could feel my heart pounding in my chest. During the first minute I remembered all the years I was an athletic trainer working “Hell Week” football and imagined this is how those poor guys felt running in the Cali heat in August!

My second minute I was noticing I had to breathe more carefully and try to relax a bit because breathing was becoming quite painful.

My third minute, I was so miserable I just pictured my backside in the mirror ( I have been making myself study my body in the mirror, making note of what I’d like to change and what changes are happening – Yes, I even “flex” a muscle or two ;)). Then I pictured how I wanted it to look. As I was staggering for the last 30 seconds I kept hanging on to the picture of the smaller behind. I grabbed the monitor bars in the last 15 seconds to check my heart rate and steady myself for the last few steps.

I DID IT!!!

I finished my goal. My final heart rate 180 beats per minute. I walked for a few minutes holding the bars and watching my heart recover back down to 150ish, and then it stayed there for a bit. I decided to get off the machine and just walk around.

My chest HURT. It felt like I strapped an elephant to it and the weight just kept increasing. I sat for a few minutes and stretched my legs. The pounding was subsiding but my whole upper torso ached.

I picked up the kids from the playcare and headed for home. I made a few phone calls to see if anyone was available to ask about what was happening to my body. I eventually called my doctor, since he knows what I am doing for training. He said I likely strained myself pushing too hard and if I still hurt in a few days I should come see him.

The pain eventually subsided but spiked again the next day after my second set of 3 minute runs. So I stopped. Stretched and did some weights.

The next day was better, I could get through three sets, but had to slow down to 4mph for the last set.

The fourth day I did three sets again starting at 4mph, then a faster set at 4.5, then another set at 4.

Each time I completed my run I felt like collapsing. Each time I didn’t want to do it again. I was afraid it would hurt like before. I tried harder to listen to my body and today, I am resting. No running. For 24 hours.

You may think I am nuts. And quite honestly I do too. But right now I am pressing ahead for the vision of myself becoming an athlete. Every true athlete I know pushes past discomfort to really get the most out of their workouts. I think what I proved to myself on Friday is that I already have the “heart” (not physically- but mentally) of an athlete.  

God in the Yard - Week 2 - Sabbath on a Page - 40 day FOCUS

Sabbath on a page happens to speak of resting and writing whatever comes out. The day before I wrote this I was in such turmoil I couldn't even think straight and my last words to my husband for the day were, " I suck!" and I went to bed. SOOO... with that in mind

The next morning I woke up refreshed and clear. I slept through the night for the first time in weeks (which definitely helps my perspective on life) and opened up to the end of week 2 of God in the Yard . The encouragement to have a "sabbath on a page" was less than intriguing, but as many of the exercises in this book do, I decided to plunge ahead and see what would pop out of my super sloppy scribbles.

I asked HIM for something to hang my hat on, focus on and marinate in. When I get out of sorts it is because I have lost focus. Considering the equation from my blog before this one and the scripture it contained, I decided to ask Him for a little more. Greedy? Yes, for the things of God, absolutely.

As I prayed I saw this reference in my mind - John 17:17 I looked it up first in the NIV (New International Version) but I wasn't sure what it meant by sanctify. So I looked it up in the AMP (Amplified version) which includes all the appropriate descriptions from the actual root word. Then I read on through verse 19 .

I then felt like I needed to make it personal. If the God of the universe was going to speak to me through His Word, I needed to do what I wrote about before and PAY ATTENTION.

In John 17 Jesus is praying to the Father about and for us. So we can personalize this because even way back then Jesus knew He was praying for YOU and ME. (I love that, by the way!)

Here is what that looked like:

¹⁷Sanctify Jennifer [purify, consecrate, separate her for Yourself, make her holy] by the Truth; Your Word is Truth.
    ¹⁸Just as You sent Me(Jesus) into the world, I also have sent Jennifer into the world.
    ¹⁹And so for Jennifer's sake and on her behalf I sanctify (dedicate, consecrate) Myself, that she also may be sanctified (dedicated, consecrated, made holy) in the Truth.

Okay now to make it even more personal, an actual prayer I can pray first person,

Father, please sanctify me, purify me, consecrate me, separate me for Yourself, make me holy by the Truth; Your Word is Truth. Just as You sent Jesus into the world, You also have sent me into the world. And so for my sake and on my behalf Jesus sanctified (dedicated, consecrated) Himself, that I also may be sanctified (dedicated, consecrated, made holy) in the Truth.
Thank you LORD!!

Okay, so what does that mean to me?

The sanctifying, purifying, consecrating, separating, holy-making work has been done (Jesus did it on the cross). He died so I could be all of those things. But I don't live that way.

So for the next 40 days I will be focusing on what walking that out looks like. I am not sure yet other than it is submitting to the caloric intake established for me, spending time in His Word, and listening to sermons on these topics. Beyond those things He has shown me to do, I will pay attention, listening for Him and watching for Him.