Transformation Equation - God in the Yard Week 2

In my other blog "The Journey Begins Today" I have written about my journey through the book God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat. I have bounced between both of my blogs because I want to stay true to what each one represents.

The Journey Begins Today is about me and my family. Our adventures, challenges and my journey as a wife, mother, daughter and friend in that process. This book is touching me in that facet of my life as well as in the area that this blog is focused on and that is my personal transformation from being overweight and tired into fit and athletic.

I am elaborating in this post on this equation:

Me box = all of who I am right now

Old Ways box =  
- leaning on food for comfort, celebration, energy when I should just go to bed, etc.
- breaking old habits of coping (yelling at my kids, impatient or disrespectful to my Love)
- STOP meeting my own needs - Not trusting God for His provision for ALL my needs emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually

Pay attention box =  This means staying in His Word, not for the purpose of the Law (rules and commands), but for the purpose of understanding His Grace and love for me that compels me to see the instructions He has laid out for me as a blessing and not a penalty - I love this passage in Hebrews!

Taking new action box = being willing to be uncomfortable and do something that stretches me. If I never make different choices, why should I expect to change?? You know the old saying about doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results... yeah, I need to NOT do that!

Transformed me box = I have no idea what this final picture will look like. I really don't. I can't say I really care. I just know God is inviting me to be transformed and I want to take Him up on it.

My fellas think they should have breakfast, so I must attend to their tummy rumblings and embrace all God has planned for me today. I meet with a dietician today about my food intake. I really plan to pick her brain on all sorts of thoughts and questions. Lap band surgery, meal replacements, clean cooking, organic or not etc. I will let you know what I find out.

Thanks for being a part of my progress!

Uncomfortable (God in the Yard - Week 2 - Question 2)

I am currently reading a book called God in the Yard by L.L. Barkat and you can follow my journey more often on my 3boymomma blog, but this one specifically pertains to my pursuit of becoming healthy and fit so I am posting it here...

In the second week of my journey in the second section of questions I found this one:


"When I experience deep emotions that swing from one extreme to the other, I think this might mean..."

In the past it would have meant I was in desperate need of some deep inner healing... and maybe I do, but not in this season of my life.

I am going to answer this question as it relates to taking care of myself physically.

...I am charting new territory in my heart, body and mind and that is UNCOMFORTABLE!

Doing new stuff is hard. Parenting, changing the way I eat (and how my family eats too), adding intense focused exercise, and developing new habits of dealing with "stuff" pushes me out of the nest of my comfort zone. My first step may be in confidence and then, as I free-fall though the air of changing circumstances, eventually landing on my butt or nose, depending on the day, it HURTS! (yes, I know I don't always land in a painful place, but lately, that is how it seems.)

A few nights ago I drove away from the gym in pain. It took forever to find a parking place, so I almost gave up, then there were a million people there and I couldn't find an open piece of equipment, then when I did find one, my entire workout hurt (my hip to be specific). My whole body hurt by the time I was done. On my way back to the car I saw my full profile reflected in the glass on the wall. That image sealed the deal on the futility of my efforts these many months. I cried as I left the parking lot vowing I would never go back.

But, not to worry, I changed my mind within about 20 minutes, hearing my friend Tarri's voice in my head, "If it was easy, everyone would do it."

I said earlier I am charting new territory. I have to get past the "been there done that" mentality after my successful triathlon completion and push my body for more. To be Faster, Stronger, Leaner, Smarter, I must cover new ground and open myself up to more intense feelings of discomfort.

I have no doubt that the first "step" out of the nest for a bird, ready or not, is uncomfortable. That is how I feel. Change is uncomfortable. It can be exciting and rewarding, but it still different from what once was.

This question comes to mind, if I am comfortable - is there a reason to change? I don't think so.

Being in my current body is quite uncomfortable in many ways. When I look in the mirror I don't look like how I feel. I am me, but I am slowed by the burden of my weight and my muscles built with so much effort are buried in excess fat. My positive personality and zest for life are distorted by my appearance (to others) and make my passion for my Savior seem less credible with such obvious sin encasing my frame.

I am not going to lie. I am not far from that place I was last week. Tears are very close to the surface. I have spent way too many years being "comfortable" and the body I have now is the result. I need to become uncomfortable with the status quo and do something uncomfortable - jump out of my nest and become consistently uncomfortable but fully at peace - because I know I am doing what God has asked me to do. I was saying to a friend today, this journey is uncomfortable. That discomfort is the driving force that will get me to where I want to be.

Resting...

His hand touched my face, awakening me as he stretched and relaxed against my frame. Instantly I was transported to a season in time when I would tuck his small head into my armpit and his toes would reach only to my waist. Now, 3 years later, clad in his favorite lime green and white "Buzz Lightyear" uniform jammies, his toes reach all the way to my knees.

I lay in bed listening to him breathe, soaking in his sweet presence knowing that if I give in to my aching bladder, he would not feel my warmth and would awaken, eager to join his brothers out in the living room for the "while mommy wakes up" cartoons. I lingered, smelling his golden head, watching his lips move like he was giving instructions even in his sleep. He slept in his own bed most of the night, but just like God designed us, he longed for the warmth of the presence of someone he loved.

My Dad is a Police and Fire Chaplain in South Seattle. He has taught me a lot about the "ministry of presence". He is really great at his job. Over seven years, he has earned the trust of those he serves just by being there. Consistently. He attends training nights, regularly rides along, gives wisdom and insight only when asked and otherwise is just there with them.

Talking with him in the course of his years of trauma scenes, death notifications, CPR in progress calls, etc, I asked him how he does his job, REALLY. I am a talker. I love to encourage and to support and to pray and to fill up space with words, on the paper or in the air...

Dad, he is not. He is present. He told me he sees his job is to bring Christ into whatever situation he is called to be in. He is very aware, because of his personal relationship with Jesus, and the presence of the Holy Spirit in him, wherever he goes, God is there. His ministry is presence. He is there. People's lives have been touched because my Dad shows up. His faithfulness, loyalty and reliability goes beyond his calling as chaplain, it is his character.

This morning, the activities of the day had to wait for a little bit longer, so my son could be in my presence. He came in to our room early this morning seeking it. When he found it, he rested in it. I need to do that with God. Seek Him out (it's not like I have to look far, He's always with me) and rest in His presence.

Now, sitting at my kitchen table, typing away, getting ready to clean the dish-full sink, make lunch, run some loads of laundry, and tuck my fella in for his nap, I am still resting. I will rest while I go about the daily things, paying attention to God's presence and the presence of the fellas that share my space. Like my Dad taught me to, by his example. I pray my boys will not only be able to work hard, but also to rest. They are watching me.

D words

Discouragement, Delight, Despair, Dynamite, Delicious, Depressed, Disgusted, Distracted, Dynamic, Delivered, Denial, the list could keep going... but I will stop there.

I am struggling. I am not going to lie.

I also find myself pushing back at the negative D words with the positive ones. Will this past week go Down in our family history as the week we spent together Delightfully tucked into our comfy warm home recovering from the flu bug of the moment, or will it become another marker on my long line of Depressed events where I leaned on food instead of God?

I won't know until I reach the end of this week, but for today, I will pick Dynamic for my word, rolling with the challenges, accomplishing the necessary and the neglected tasks, Drinking my water, and loving on the ones who need me.

Taking Care...setting goals...

There are many ways I need to be taking care of myself.

For years I have focused on taking care of the inside (the "unseen") me. My heart, my spirit, and my mind have had major overhauls in the last fifteen years or so. I have done this by choosing to spend time in God's Word, praying, receiving wise counsel from those who love Him and me, and spending lots of time worshiping God. By worshiping I mean listening to Christian music 95% of the time, cultivating an attitude of gratitude to God for all He has provided for me, and really savoring the blessings of the people He put in my life.

I have had tunnel vision - often so spiritually minded I'm no earthly good.

On our recent cruise to Mexico and back, I found myself discovering my neglect of the other facets of me. Yes, these past many months I have pursued physical health and wellness and that is definitely dealing with the outside (the "seen") me. But, since I have been doing that, I have found there is more than just working out and eating right that need to be done differently. I need to dress better, shower more, pursue action instead of neglect, play more, laugh harder and streamline my space.

This whole experience is definitely a significant process.

I once had the goal of completing a triathlon before I turned forty. I did it. I wonder what my next goal should be. There are 114 days until my 40th birthday. Hmmmm.....

More Adjustments

Since I have had houseguests/family in my home for over a month I find myself needing a few days to readjust my life back to some sort of "normal".

No, I really have no clue what that looks like, but generally it means:

Decluttering my fridge of junk
Decluttering my counters
Cleaning out my kitchen of all things unnecessary - yes - I will be throwing food away or donating it!!
Cleaning out and organizing bedrooms, bathroom, and miscellaneous other spaces that have collected "stuff" not crucial to daily life.

I had planned that today would be my first day "back" on track for training but it just isn't going to work. When I planned today to be THAT day I had no idea my parents would stay on for an extra week (too ill to travel home) recovering from pneumonia and bronchitis. We had a very special time together but this threw all of our schedules for a loop and adjustments had to be made.

Keeping it all in balance means taking the time to attend to the space where my family dwells, bringing order and peace to random piles and activities and THEN I will hit the gym. Likely, next week. ;)

What does trying look like?

Trying...


The more I reflect on the word the more definitions I can think of.
I am trying to eat better.
I am trying to get to the gym.
The lake on the bathroom floor is trying my patience.
I am trying to do my homework (but not doing actually anything).
I am tired of trying.
Its trying to snow.
I'm trying on bathing suits (not a blast).
I'm trying on new shoes (more fun).
I'm trying to focus on my upcoming vacation but all I can think of is laundry...

Lots of opportunities for trying... but am I DOING anything?

Most days.

I think trying looks different depending on the day.

Today I tried to get to the gym but on the way my older son splashed (what he described as a "little" bit of water on his brother". Sitting in the parking lot of the gym, unbuckling the kids and noticing the "little" bit of water meant, I saturated him to the skin... so, back home to dry clothes and mom's not going back out!

Trying to eat better means dumping the junk food in the garbage instead of eating it (so it will be gone). Many holiday goodies have gone the way of the trash can these last couple of days, but I must admit, the best fudge I ever made, the peanut butter bars and the dark chocolate mints, those got eaten... all gone!


Trying on bathing suits, I opted out of. When we go to Mexico in 5 days and 18 hours, I will only bring one suit I already have but it looks much better on me than it did this past summer...

Trying on shoes, now that was cool. I found lovely short heeled strappy ones on clearance for 14.99 plus an extra 20% off... THAT is wonderful!

I had better wrap up this fun, because the next thing I will be doing - trying to find childcare for MOPS this week... not an easy thing to do!