A dear friend reminded me that God knows the timing of my recovery from this stuff. I was annoyed she said so, but promptly hit the Throne Room (not the bathroom - God's Throne room) to ask Him if she was right and what did He want me to do with all this "down time".
The answer has come as slowly as my healing from this flu. Rest. Pray. Settle. A reminder that He is renovating more than my body in this season of transformation. He doesn't want me to become anything - not an athlete, a more fit and healthy me, a better wife and mom, a better friend - He wants me to be His. His alone. I am normally going about my day being a wife, a mom, a friend, an athlete in training, a healthy person in training and certainly leaning on what strength He gives me to do all of the above, however, in this down time He is reminding me again that none of that defines me.
When I can't perform my usual "roles" I start to feel a little lost. He is reminding me that this discomfort is not wrong or a sign that something is out of order. It is a sign that things are changing. Just exactly what I have asked for.
So, in asking Him about this season of my life and this Rest, Pray, Settle time specifically and this is what I am hearing: This transformation season of my life is about being more His and less mine. Not letting any of my "roles" which are important for sure, define me. I am already defined as His. I am walking in and fulfilling the call He has given me to be a wife, mother, friend, etc. just because that is who I am. Not because any of those roles define me.
The day I got super sick was the first day after my six week Prism class and health focus. It is also the first day I decided to take Bruce H Wilkinson up on his challenge at the end of his book called Prayer of Jabez - Breaking Through to the Blessed Life. It is very interesting to pray that prayer and within a few hours become incredibly ill and seemingly sidelined for a week. It makes me wonder what the next 25 days of this challenge will look like! The challenge: Pray the Prayer of Jabez every morning keeping a record on a calendar or on a chart specifically for that purpose, Write out the prayer and tape in in my Bible, and some other places I will be reminded of my new vision, reread the book once each week asking God for important insights I might have missed (I am sure I have missed a few!), tell someone else about my new commitment and ask them to check up on me, record the changes in my life (well, it certainly started out different than I imagined!) especially divine appointments and new opportunities I can relate to the prayer, and finally to start praying the prayer for my family, friends and my church. (Taken from the book - Chapter 7 pages 86 & 87).
I don't think that this prayer or any other prayer is some sort of "magical remedy" for capturing some blessings you are doing without. However, for 30 days I am asking God to reveal Himself to me through this specific portion of scripture. I am asking Him to use His Word in me to reveal blessing. I do not in any way feel like I am not blessed. I know I am. I am reaching out - with both hands and my whole heart to my God asking for more of Him. There is no blessing on this earth that can compare with that.
I am defined as HIS. I am blessed because He is blessing. So, as I rest, pray and settle in to this next few days or however long it takes for me to resume the roles He has blessed me with, I will be focusing on watching, waiting and enjoying being HIS.