My old friend Discouragement isn't as noisy as she used to be. She has lost her primary place in my focus and attention. Motivation has taken priority and encouraged me to drive ahead even on the days when I hear Discouragement's tempting voice to just give up. Let me tell you about them both:
Discouragement is slow. Her voice is monotone and her creativity is non-existent. She has no spark to her existence. Her heart beats with a steady unexciting pulse. She has no favorite colors because she sees only gray wherever she looks. She doesn't bother with laughter for she sees no point in it. Life just occurs around her. She sees no real reason for the pursuit of anything. She doesn't sing because she hears no melody in her heart. Most are drawn to her out of convenience and their own lack of imagination. The companionship felt with her is like prisoners locked together in the same cage. She is to be avoided. If she has captivated your attention for any length of time it is too long. She will do you no favors and bring you no peace. Her encouragement exists only to keep you with her, alone, and void of all hope. Once you walk away from her, you won't miss her, but she will keep talking if you listen.
However, my new friend Motivation is different.
Motivation is the one who now gets me up in the morning. Her voice is soft and clear as a crisp spring day. Her heart beats strong and fast. Her creativity when facing a challenge is inexhaustible. Her favorite colors are vibrant and her laugh sounds like music in my head on the days when she knows I am near victory. Her zest for life draws me deeper into risk and challenge. Her song has a pounding baseline and a invigorating chorus. I am drawn to her with a compulsion that parallels a new romance. I cannot imagine my life without her now. She is my closest companion. My dearest friend. She whispers gentle encouragement during my weary moments and emphatically cheers my many victories. She is wise and kind. She pushes me farther and faster than I ever imagined I could go. She is the complete display of Joy, Peace and Hope.
These girls are allegory style images of what God has released me from and where He has taken me on this journey. He is the author and creator of Motivation. The enemy of my soul designed Discouragement. I pray they speak to you today, for God's revelation on these two is not for me alone.
Now for the nitty gritty details of my day...
I saw the doctor.
Let me preface this with the fact that he is no slouch. He is an athlete himself and his family is focused in athletic pursuits... so he knows what I am asking him about.
He said I am not eating enough. Likely my metabolic rate is slowed not only due to my age (everything would look different if I was 18 - FOR SURE! If only I had appreciated it back then!!), my weight and the amount of exercise I am doing. Basically the deficit in my caloric intake is too great and my body is still holding on to the fat to protect itself from starvation... lovely.
I adjusted my calories based on the deficit he recommended and will be working towards that for the next few weeks to see if there is any change. He also had some blood drawn and will be testing my thyroid function.
Today I am resting. I painted my guys little faces, I have dinked around on the computer, I read some in my triathlon training manual, broke up a few fights, worked on preschool workbooks, fed myself and my kids, and pretty much did nothing else. Oh, I did take a nap for the first time in weeks.
It is funny how resting is work for me now. I used to rest all the time. So tired. So overwhelmed. So ... you fill in the blank. Now, I with my training schedule and the beginning of MOPS coming up I am super busy. All the usual stuff plus those things and my training is taking longer because the workouts are longer. School preparation for my boys is taking some time and focus. None of it is bad but to just STOP for a whole day (not that my brain has stopped or the list making hasn't continued) seems a little nuts. But that is what I felt like God wanted me to do today.