My last words to my sons tonight as I tucked them in were of repentance.
You see, today was one of those days where I felt like I was slogging through mud. Emotionally, mentally and physically "thick", and not sure how to fix it either.
I yelled instead of following through with any or all necessary consequences. I was impatient and irritated with childish behavior. I had moments of encouragement for them, but mostly I was just grumpy.
So, I prayed. In front of them. I was tempted to turn off the lights and pray in the dark but I felt like that would be hiding from the truth. The truth is - I bombed as a mom today. When I prayed, I asked God to forgive me for all the mistakes I made as a mom today. I listed as many as I could think of. I then thanked Him for forgiving me and we went on with our usual prayers and singing time.
Then before I left the room, I asked them individually if they would forgive me for not doing what I knew God wanted me to do as a good mom. They graciously forgave me. Again.
I really want to do this "mommy thing" right. It really is a moving target. God is doing amazing things in them right now and I want to be with them for every precious moment.
A dear friend lost her son tonight. Someday my son will find himself in the arms of his Savior too. I have no idea when that will be. Regardless, I want to obey my God in how He has asked me to parent my sons, while they are in my care.
Thank you Lord, for the gift of repentance and the greater gift of Your forgiveness.