Okay, I have to admit. I have been grumpy a lot lately.
Again, it has been A WHILE since I have slept through the night. The odds are stacked against me and so are the kids...
They all sleep well almost every night. Except that one of them, at least, wakes up in the night and needs something, a drink, covered up, a prayer (for a bad dream), or something of that sort.
I am now getting to the point where I am grumpy at night... Like in the MIDDLE of the night.
Last night James woke up with a bad dream. I was so deep in sleep and so crabby about being awakened that I mumbled to this poor upset five year old... "Go pick up your toys and then I will help you." Yes, I am the best mom EVER. He came back a little bit later and said, "but Mommy, I had a bad dream!" in his sad sleepy voice. The second time was enough to wake me up. At which point I apologized and tucked him back into bed with a drink and a prayer for sweet dreams and a peaceful rest.
Seriously! "Pick up your toys first, then I will help you"! Good grief!! He would have been better of with Charlie Brown's mom saying "Waah wah wah wah."
The hard thing about being grumpy with your kids is that once you recognize your bad attitude or grumpy choices and apologize (and at least at the age of my kids - they always forgive you) is that for hours later you can be plagued with all the other thoughts of every other way you are screwing up as a mom.
"They haven't had enough veggies today"
"They have a few cavities because you aren't attentive when they brush their teeth"
"If you were paying attention to what they were doing in the bathroom, your air freshener wouldn't have spilled and they wouldn't have soaked a hand towel trying to clean it up and then left it in the floor"
"The way you yelled at them is going to scar them for life. What were you thinking? Nice job teaching kindness and compassion, I am sure they heard that LOUD and CLEAR!"
Those are just a few of the things that floated through my head today.
But, the TRUTH, again, I have to focus on that, is that I am a good mom who is teaching herself not to be so darn serious, to let more things go, to apologize when I don't do a good job being kind, and NEVER take anything for granted (my kids, a clean bathroom, or an opportunity to teach about something you struggle with yourself).
So, should I be awakened in the middle of the night tonight, I will try not to send my son to pick up his toys, I will tenderly and lovingly tuck him in, and if I still haven't slept in another week (or a day or two), I may need an overnight in our camper in the driveway so I can have an uninterrupted night of sleep!
NO MORE GRUMPY!!! I don't like him and I hate it when he comes to visit!! (OK, now you are wondering if I really see little dwarfs in my house... ;))